tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1495714780129368546.post7037133360856961774..comments2023-04-17T03:08:01.688-05:00Comments on Sense Of FamILY: Adoption StrugglesCandicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13783424650917919101noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1495714780129368546.post-4331880818990625202008-02-19T07:35:00.000-06:002008-02-19T07:35:00.000-06:00Hi Candice, you left a comment on my blog this mor...Hi Candice, you left a comment on my blog this morning or late last night and I want to reply directly but I can't find your email address. Will you email me? Hopefully we can encourage each other. :) <BR/><BR/>I agree with what lolypup said about "family". My 7 and 5 year old have no understanding of what adoption is (actually, I have read several books that say that even kids without special needs are usually 9 or 10 or older before they understand what adoption really is). But, my kids know what family is. They know that family is a place with Mama and Daddy where they are loved and cared for. Once your child understands family then maybe you can introduce "forever family" and explain that this family will never go away and that you will stay with her no matter what. It's a process that takes time. My kids still don't believe they're really going to stay here, but each day I see them settle in a little more and I am confident that one day they will trust that they really do have a forever family.Instantly Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14074040785920191889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1495714780129368546.post-36444253408356301352008-02-18T23:54:00.000-06:002008-02-18T23:54:00.000-06:00I have no suggestions, but we will pray for her un...I have no suggestions, but we will pray for her understanding and for you to find the right way to help her understand.<BR/><BR/>CynthiaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1495714780129368546.post-51060045696441024672008-02-18T06:53:00.000-06:002008-02-18T06:53:00.000-06:00Good idea Lolypup. We have shown her several diff...Good idea Lolypup. We have shown her several different families in magazines and everywhere that we could find, commerical etc. She definately may just think of family as a group of people with kids. We do not have her life book yet, but we have used her sisters life book to try to explain adoption and her journey to her. We have gone though our family album and even went to a family reunion with Rebecca. <BR/><BR/>I think all that going through the album and the family reunion did has teach her what aunts, uncles and cousins are. <BR/><BR/>Family is a very difficult concept for someone who has never had it. It is something that we continue to work on even with her sister. I have kind of came to conclusion that they will only learn family over time. They have been told with every home they go to, that it is a family - this misconstrues the true meaning of family for them & makes it very confusing. <BR/><BR/>We go to Sea World every summer and have made those plans with her. We talk about where she will go to middle and high school with us. <BR/><BR/>We will definately keep reinforcing family to both of our children. I just think that one will take longer than adoption and perminancy would.Candicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13783424650917919101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1495714780129368546.post-18736475901423499762008-02-18T06:44:00.000-06:002008-02-18T06:44:00.000-06:00I don't agree with your placement agency's policy ...I don't agree with your placement agency's policy on having the child understand adoption before an adoption can be finalized. Children, especially children with disabilities, often cannot understand an abstract concept like that. It's not right that a child's future could be jeopardized because of their inability to understand and/or verbalize an abstract concept.<BR/><BR/>And of course, Rebecca is going to lean towards 'change' families. That's all she has ever known. Children go towards the known rather than the unknown.<BR/><BR/>In my state, Virginia, children with Ushers are classified as deafblind. Deafblind people, especially children, have a very difficult time with abstract concepts. This is all too much for Rebecca at this time.<BR/><BR/>If I had had to wait for my Ashley to understand and verbalize what adoption means, she wouldn't be with me today. But she can sign that she loves me and her siblings. She smiles when she knows we are near, and she asks for me when I am not near. She is happy and healthy in my family. She has a promising future with a parent who is willing to do ANYTHING to ensure her health, happiness and well-being. That defines adoption to me, and to Ashley also though she is incapable of putting the words together to explain that.<BR/><BR/>You will all be in my prayers.Ashley's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05621835327282616218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1495714780129368546.post-65168952384544077552008-02-18T06:17:00.000-06:002008-02-18T06:17:00.000-06:00You said that "adoption" has never been explained ...You said that "adoption" has never been explained to her and that you would like for her to understand the concept.<BR/><BR/>However, have you thought that perhaps she dosnt understand the term "family." Maybe instead of adoption you should focus on explaining family and how its a permanent idea of love and security.<BR/><BR/>Im not sure how well she see's but using pictures of your own family, showing you or your husband growing up as kids and then eventually adults with your own parents and siblings. This will reinforce the idea of permancy and forever.<BR/><BR/>Maybe one of her grandparents can sit down and work with her, showing her these pictures explaining the relationship of parents, children and family.<BR/><BR/>Also try and work on the concept of making "future plans" or setting goals that would not be possible if she moved to another foster family.<BR/><BR/>Maybe include her in planning a family vacation thats 2 years down the road, get her involved with establishing future goals etc.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com