I feel that as a hearing parent with a Deaf child we have so many choices to make that we have no idea how to make! We are constantly told do this or don't do that. Each choice that we have made has had pros and cons and people judging me for the choices that I ended up making. I try not to take it personal, but it's hard...most of the time I end up still second guessing myself and never feeling satisfied with the decision that I made.
I have seen other families go through this also. It is very disheartening and I don't feel like it is going to stop soon. I don't know if it is easier for Deaf parents of Deaf children, I guess since they have been down a path they knows what worked for them and what did not. I do not have any deafness in my family and did not know anyone who had experienced this journey.
Some of the decisions that we and/or other hearing parents have had to make...
1) CI or no CI
2) Mainstream or no mainstream
3) public school or Deaf school
4) Sign or no sign
5) SEE or ASL
Each of these decisions have serious counterparts and I often feel that hearing parents of Deaf children are not given credit for how many decisions we have to make concerning our child. I know since I have friends of other "special needs" children that their choices are more cut and dry. They make choices that are life and death a lot of times. None of the choices above are life and death for our children. Some will make life easier, but then you have to ask yourself - easier for who and why are you really making that decision?
The vision decisions that we have made with Rebecca have been much easier and much more accepted: white cane training, testing, vision training, etc. There is nothing controversial about these items - no one questions what is right for you child when they are going blind. This is what sets Deafness apart from other disabilities and why I have found the correct path for my daughter to be so difficult! When she gets out her white cane everyone knows that she can't see, when she puts on her hearing aids everyone knows that she can't hear, but when she puts on her CI it is different. All of a sudden, hearing people think that she's not Deaf anymore and some Deaf people think that she's not Deaf enough anymore! My daughter is fine with or without her CI and either way, she is still Deaf!! She is at camp for the next 2 weeks and did not take her CI with her - guess what, she's not less Deaf or more Deaf because she does or does not have it. What will happen is that people will be more accepting of her without it there. That saddens me to say, but it's true.
I have talked about how I feel about the CI several times on my blog and I am proud to say that my daughter is fine either way. She is not dependant on her CI. Some situations she prefers to hear the sounds, but is fine without it also. Her voice does not change when she has it on or off, her signing does not change - nothing about her changes!!
I wish the world was more accepting and understanding of the choices that we make for our Deaf children. It's not easy and sometimes I wish it was as easy to make those decisions as it is for my other child or for her vision impairment. I am trying to embrace the decisions that we make and accept them as the best for her, but I don't know how I will truly know what is right until she grows up and tells me for herself. Until then I pray that God will lead my every decision and that we are doing what is best for her and not for ourselves only.
Tuesday, June 16
Saturday, June 13
When Do We Start TSD?
Okay, so I am sitting my the dorms at TSD (Texas School for the Deaf) and wondering if this school may be a good fit for Rebecca. The choices that you make as a parent of a Deaf child are so HARD! Every decision we have had to make has had positives and negatives to it. This is no different. Austin is a long way from home!! This is a 5 hour drive from our house in our small town. Rebecca is like a different person when she is around other Deaf children and she just blossoms. I know that she would enjoy the school here. There is not a doubt in my mind that this school would not be a good fit for her, but is it a good fit for our family??
Rebecca has been a school which uses SEE for 2 years, TSD uses ASL. We have always exposed her to both, but used SEE primarily since her school uses SEE. I am trying to get my SEE certification. It would also alter the life of our other daughter who will be entering 5th grade. She has never had consistancy in her life before and our home and her school have been her rock. Moving would set her back again! I bring up moving because when Rebecca comes to school here, we will move here! I do not feel comfortable not knowing her friends or just leaving her days without seeing her or knowing who she is with (I know, I am a control freak!).
We are leaning towards waiting another year, then moving the girls when they both start middle school since they would be changing schools anyway. Maybe that would be an easier transistion. I believe that regional dayschools and mainstreamed school are great for exposure to the hearing world and has taught Rebecca a lot, but a Deaf school would give her such self-esteem and she could participate in so many activities. At her school, there are no Deaf teachers, no Deaf adults working there at all! Here, Deafness is all around you. She would have wonderful role models and feel confident that she could grow up and do whatever she wants! The Texas School for the Blind also works closely with TSD and she would receive great care from them as well as her vision declines.
So, my dilema is not whether or not to send Rebecca to TSD, it has become WHEN do I send Rebecca to TSD?? She has already stated that she wants to start here next year. I am not sure that is the best solution for the whole family. I think one more year will not harm Rebecca and we can gather our finances and prepare for the move to Austin next year. Anyone else gone through this??
Rebecca has been a school which uses SEE for 2 years, TSD uses ASL. We have always exposed her to both, but used SEE primarily since her school uses SEE. I am trying to get my SEE certification. It would also alter the life of our other daughter who will be entering 5th grade. She has never had consistancy in her life before and our home and her school have been her rock. Moving would set her back again! I bring up moving because when Rebecca comes to school here, we will move here! I do not feel comfortable not knowing her friends or just leaving her days without seeing her or knowing who she is with (I know, I am a control freak!).
We are leaning towards waiting another year, then moving the girls when they both start middle school since they would be changing schools anyway. Maybe that would be an easier transistion. I believe that regional dayschools and mainstreamed school are great for exposure to the hearing world and has taught Rebecca a lot, but a Deaf school would give her such self-esteem and she could participate in so many activities. At her school, there are no Deaf teachers, no Deaf adults working there at all! Here, Deafness is all around you. She would have wonderful role models and feel confident that she could grow up and do whatever she wants! The Texas School for the Blind also works closely with TSD and she would receive great care from them as well as her vision declines.
So, my dilema is not whether or not to send Rebecca to TSD, it has become WHEN do I send Rebecca to TSD?? She has already stated that she wants to start here next year. I am not sure that is the best solution for the whole family. I think one more year will not harm Rebecca and we can gather our finances and prepare for the move to Austin next year. Anyone else gone through this??
Friday, June 5
Summer Has Arrived!!
Well, summer is finally here and the plans are coming alive with summer activities for our family. We will be in Austin most of June, then it is off to Oklahoma to grandmas. We are also going to Arkansas to look for diamonds and to San Antonio to get wet at Sea World. We also have camps intertwined with all of that!!
This is our 4th summer with kids in our home. One thing that I have learned is to keep the kiddos busy and looking forward to something. We have everything spaced out so that something happens every 2 to 3 weeks! We will also do things around here like Six Flags, nature museums, zoo, movies, etc.
Next Wednesday is our appointment at the Retina Foundation and Tuesday we have a representive coming from DARS to help us teach Rebecca how to do her chores more effectively. She will be visiting periodically thoughout the summer.
Both girls will be in 5th grade next year! It is almost impossible to believe, only one more year until Jr. High! Scary!!
Rebecca almost passed her TAKS test (standardized testing in Texas) and is only short a little bit in her reading. So, in our spare time (yeah, right), we will be working on reading with her to help her be able to ace it next year.
Jasmine had no meltdowns at the end of the year which was a great thing! She handled her end of year anxieties much better this year.
This is our 4th summer with kids in our home. One thing that I have learned is to keep the kiddos busy and looking forward to something. We have everything spaced out so that something happens every 2 to 3 weeks! We will also do things around here like Six Flags, nature museums, zoo, movies, etc.
Next Wednesday is our appointment at the Retina Foundation and Tuesday we have a representive coming from DARS to help us teach Rebecca how to do her chores more effectively. She will be visiting periodically thoughout the summer.
Both girls will be in 5th grade next year! It is almost impossible to believe, only one more year until Jr. High! Scary!!
Rebecca almost passed her TAKS test (standardized testing in Texas) and is only short a little bit in her reading. So, in our spare time (yeah, right), we will be working on reading with her to help her be able to ace it next year.
Jasmine had no meltdowns at the end of the year which was a great thing! She handled her end of year anxieties much better this year.
Tuesday, May 19
Time to Play Catch Up
I haven't been on here for a while and several things happened while I was away...
I went to this awesome event organized by our region. They took the kids and did role playing with them and taught them a play while the parents cooked with blinded goggles. I chose the pair of goggles that were most like what Rebecca's sight will be in the future. Her VI was there at the event so he helped me choose the right one. It was really difficult to see, I had one pinhole where I could see clearly if I squinted really hard. I had some light from the bottom but not a lot of clear vision from it. My left eye was completely covered.
We made pudding first. Sounds easy, right? WRONG. I had to measure milk, put the powder in the bowl and then mix it. I figured out how to use my hands to measure the milk and found where the bowl was, the hardest part was knowing when it was all mixed. I am so used to using my eyes to know that it is complete so I probably over-mixed it. Next we crushed OREOs. I didn't even use my eyes for this. They were worn out from the pudding, so I closed my eyes and felt my way through the OREO portion. Next we added gummy worms to our cups of pudding and OREOs. The organizers really helped us with this. After we added the worms and the crushed OREOs, we were told to add a spoon. This really helped me be able to feel around to know which cups still needed worms and OREOs.
It was a great eye-opening experience for me to experience just a moment of what my daughters life will be like. Two wonderful women came and talked with us about their experiences as blind women and we were able to ask questions about what their parents did that helped them and which things hindered them in their lives. We then ate lunch together with our children, enjoyed the desserts that we made and then the children performed for us (goggles were off by then).
We have also went to the Retinal Foundation Of The Southwest recently to check Rebecca's eyesight against what it was 4 years ago. We had a great interpreter at the appointment that actually grew up with a family that had 3 children with Usher Syndrome. I love how God places the right people in our lives! They did hours of testing and it was very difficult for Rebecca but I also believe it was very important for us to know the results. The nurse has called us and said that they found an extra mutation in Rebecca's Usher Syndrome called CI mutation. They would like to talk with us about doing a clinical trial. They explained to me that this is very rare and want us to come back this week to give blood and discuss it further with us.
Rebecca is making amazing progress in her language skills and will be going to the Texas School for the Deaf this summer for 3 weeks! We will be staying with her for 3 days and then she will be there for the rest of the time without us. This will be very hard for our family to leave her there but summers are terribly difficult for her since we do not have a lot of Deaf children in our city.
I am also studying to get my interpreters certification so that I can work as an interpreter at Rebecca's school. This would allow me to be home more for my children and have off Christmas, Spring, Fall & Summer breaks. Please pray for me as I study. I have only been signing for a year and a half, but everyone keeps telling me that I am ready. I wish I was as sure of it as they are.
I went to this awesome event organized by our region. They took the kids and did role playing with them and taught them a play while the parents cooked with blinded goggles. I chose the pair of goggles that were most like what Rebecca's sight will be in the future. Her VI was there at the event so he helped me choose the right one. It was really difficult to see, I had one pinhole where I could see clearly if I squinted really hard. I had some light from the bottom but not a lot of clear vision from it. My left eye was completely covered.
We made pudding first. Sounds easy, right? WRONG. I had to measure milk, put the powder in the bowl and then mix it. I figured out how to use my hands to measure the milk and found where the bowl was, the hardest part was knowing when it was all mixed. I am so used to using my eyes to know that it is complete so I probably over-mixed it. Next we crushed OREOs. I didn't even use my eyes for this. They were worn out from the pudding, so I closed my eyes and felt my way through the OREO portion. Next we added gummy worms to our cups of pudding and OREOs. The organizers really helped us with this. After we added the worms and the crushed OREOs, we were told to add a spoon. This really helped me be able to feel around to know which cups still needed worms and OREOs.
It was a great eye-opening experience for me to experience just a moment of what my daughters life will be like. Two wonderful women came and talked with us about their experiences as blind women and we were able to ask questions about what their parents did that helped them and which things hindered them in their lives. We then ate lunch together with our children, enjoyed the desserts that we made and then the children performed for us (goggles were off by then).
We have also went to the Retinal Foundation Of The Southwest recently to check Rebecca's eyesight against what it was 4 years ago. We had a great interpreter at the appointment that actually grew up with a family that had 3 children with Usher Syndrome. I love how God places the right people in our lives! They did hours of testing and it was very difficult for Rebecca but I also believe it was very important for us to know the results. The nurse has called us and said that they found an extra mutation in Rebecca's Usher Syndrome called CI mutation. They would like to talk with us about doing a clinical trial. They explained to me that this is very rare and want us to come back this week to give blood and discuss it further with us.
Rebecca is making amazing progress in her language skills and will be going to the Texas School for the Deaf this summer for 3 weeks! We will be staying with her for 3 days and then she will be there for the rest of the time without us. This will be very hard for our family to leave her there but summers are terribly difficult for her since we do not have a lot of Deaf children in our city.
I am also studying to get my interpreters certification so that I can work as an interpreter at Rebecca's school. This would allow me to be home more for my children and have off Christmas, Spring, Fall & Summer breaks. Please pray for me as I study. I have only been signing for a year and a half, but everyone keeps telling me that I am ready. I wish I was as sure of it as they are.
Saturday, March 21
Summer Is Approaching
I am starting to feel nervous about summer already! Maybe it's the Spring air or knowing that we are in the last 9 weeks of school, I don't know but I definitely feel the crunch. My husband and I both work so we pay for the children to go to summer camps either locally or other places. Most of the summer is spent in our local summer camp. Two years ago my husband was laid off right before Rebecca came which was a blessing in disguise because we did not have to pay for summer care and my children had more time to bond with each other and my husband. Last year, we sent them to the after school care summer camp which had a lady there that signed! OH - WHAT A BLESSING! Rebecca enjoyed her time there and it fine. She really missed the children and interaction with others besides her teacher who was also watching 19 other children.
This year, that wonderful lady who signed is going to school to become a teacher and is not sure if she will do the camp again :( We have signed Rebecca up for TSD (Texas School For The Deaf In Austin) camp for 2 weeks hoping that will give her some of that much needed communication with other children and introduce her to the TSD campus. That leaves about 2.5 months left to plan. We are trying to find other day camps that are local and have someone who signs, but it is very frustrating and difficult.
Jasmine has started Karate and is loving it!! We are trying to find another activity for Kimberly, but again it is not an easy task. I would like for her to take art classes, she is very artistic and I think that would be wonderful for her. Pray that we can find a class to fit our schedule and our budget for her.
This year, that wonderful lady who signed is going to school to become a teacher and is not sure if she will do the camp again :( We have signed Rebecca up for TSD (Texas School For The Deaf In Austin) camp for 2 weeks hoping that will give her some of that much needed communication with other children and introduce her to the TSD campus. That leaves about 2.5 months left to plan. We are trying to find other day camps that are local and have someone who signs, but it is very frustrating and difficult.
Jasmine has started Karate and is loving it!! We are trying to find another activity for Kimberly, but again it is not an easy task. I would like for her to take art classes, she is very artistic and I think that would be wonderful for her. Pray that we can find a class to fit our schedule and our budget for her.
Wednesday, March 4
New Independence
I know it's a little early for independence day, but not in our house. Rebecca got her white cane!! We are also so excited that it hard to explain. Rebecca has so many things that she has had to be dependent on us for. I interpret for her often, we help her follow conversations, we explain things to her and her vision has only been something else that she had to depend on us for. When we went into a room that changed lighting or stepped outside, she grabbed on and depended on us to lead her away from danger. When there was obstacles in the room or speed bumps in the parking lot, she depended on us to make sure she did not trip. NOW - ALL THAT HAS CHANGED WITH ONE LITTLE CANE!!
Rebecca continues to amaze me with the cane and I have to remember that she can do it herself. Tomorrow will be one week since she got to bring the cane home. Since then she has went down stairs by herself, walked across parking lot and over speed bumps, went from light to dark, walked out to the car by herself to get her backpack out of the car at night. She has not grabbed for my arm or ran over anything all week! She even had a sleepover at the Fort Worth Zoo!! Her bruises are healing and for the first time since I have known her she is become bruise free!
Her having her cane has given her an unbelievable independence as well as a new confidence, but it has also given the other members of our family a chance to educate tons of people so far and has taken tons of stress off of us. We are not worried about Rebecca falling or hurting herself. We are not constantly looking for what is ahead of her - she will find it!
We are also following American Idol and Scott McIntyre experience. This has helped Rebecca to see that being blind does not stop you from following your dreams. Big thanks to Scott McIntyre and his bravery for being on that show and a great role model for my child and for so many others.
Tonight we decorated some of her white cane for St. Patrick's Day. It would not be Rebecca's if we didn't girl-ify it a little bit.
Friday, February 6
Update
I think I may have spoke too soon on my last post, which has been over a month ago (how did that happen??!!). My husband went into the hospital where we stayed for 4 days. We had to juggle the kids from house to house which I am grateful that I had so much support. My car died, still undiagnosed but it will not hold oil - tried all of the cheaper fixes, unfortuately it is not any of those. We have a 1992 Ford pickup which we have also been blessed with that we are using in the meantime. Then, my husband was told that January 31st would be his last day of work. We started preparing to go through being unemployed again and then on the 30th one of the men that Joe worked with was deported back to Guatamala. Talk about an answered prayer!! So, my husband still has his job. Then Wednesday, my mother-in-law passed away out of town. We have been dealing with funeral arrangements, etc. She had no provisions for herself and we have not seen her in over 10 years.
Anyway, just wanted to catch everyone up and let you know I am still alive. I have also found Facebook which is my new passion. How did I communicate prior to this wonderful website? I have found so many old friends and many new ones.
Anyway, just wanted to catch everyone up and let you know I am still alive. I have also found Facebook which is my new passion. How did I communicate prior to this wonderful website? I have found so many old friends and many new ones.
Saturday, December 27
My Christmas Season
Things seem to be returning to "normal" in our household. We went to the opthamologist for Rebecca a couple of weeks ago, her perpherial vision has taken a nosedive this past year, but her central vision has remained the same. The opthamologist mentioned a surgery that could slow things down and referred us to a specialist which we will see in May. I'm not sure if surgery will be worth putting her through that for the results, but we will talk to the doctor and make our decision then.
Jasmine finally popped about a week ago. I don't know why she has to push things to the very brim and then explode before she starts feeling better, but that is her cycle and the way it works with her. She will have 2-3 hr tantrums for months and then finally one day she will absolutely lose it and have an all day tantrum, the next day it will be tantrum free and we can experience that for the next couple of months and then it will all start again. So, right now we are in happy family mode.
We were blessed by friends this holiday season so much! Yesterday, my 2 Deaf friends took our family to go see ICE in Grapevine at the Gaylord. The girls really enjoyed it! I had read on the internet that it would only take us about 15 minutes to go through it, but we chatted along the way, took lots of pictures, etc. It took us about 45 minutes. It was really cool! It has tons of ice sculptures.
We went Christmas night to go look at lights and drove through a light parade just outside of Sherman on the way back from my grandmas in Oklahoma. It was beautiful and the girls really enjoyed that.
We had a great Christmas since Jasmine's bubble popped prior to Christmas, that was the best gift for me! The girls actually got both of us gifts which was the first time they had done that, so that is progress. They had earned bible bucks with bible drill and bible drill had a store that they got us gifts from. Jasmine was sick that night so between a friend and me we picked out some gifts for her to chose from. I brought them home and then she chose who to give what to. It worked out well.
Jasmine finally popped about a week ago. I don't know why she has to push things to the very brim and then explode before she starts feeling better, but that is her cycle and the way it works with her. She will have 2-3 hr tantrums for months and then finally one day she will absolutely lose it and have an all day tantrum, the next day it will be tantrum free and we can experience that for the next couple of months and then it will all start again. So, right now we are in happy family mode.
We were blessed by friends this holiday season so much! Yesterday, my 2 Deaf friends took our family to go see ICE in Grapevine at the Gaylord. The girls really enjoyed it! I had read on the internet that it would only take us about 15 minutes to go through it, but we chatted along the way, took lots of pictures, etc. It took us about 45 minutes. It was really cool! It has tons of ice sculptures.
We went Christmas night to go look at lights and drove through a light parade just outside of Sherman on the way back from my grandmas in Oklahoma. It was beautiful and the girls really enjoyed that.
We had a great Christmas since Jasmine's bubble popped prior to Christmas, that was the best gift for me! The girls actually got both of us gifts which was the first time they had done that, so that is progress. They had earned bible bucks with bible drill and bible drill had a store that they got us gifts from. Jasmine was sick that night so between a friend and me we picked out some gifts for her to chose from. I brought them home and then she chose who to give what to. It worked out well.
Sunday, December 7
Crazy Christmas Time
Joy to the world did not include my house. There is little joy to be found during Christmas in our home. Did anyone see the 20/20 (or maybe it was Dateline) special about RAD? That is my household and it is only ramped up around Christmas time. The kids start doing wierd things and acting out in wierd ways around the holidays. For example, the other day Jasmine smuggled sugar into her room (we normally do not keep sugar in our house, but I needed some for Thanksgiving). We lock the pantry at night, so I am not even sure how or when she got it - but anyway, she took the sugar and sprinkled it all throughout our house on the wood floors and tile and then there was a pile of sugar in her room. We are getting used to these episodes but they are still tiring. As I am writing this, there is an hour and 1/2 long tantrum going on in the background.
Jasmine broke her arm on the monkey bars a day before Thanksgiving so that also is making our holidays more interesting and giving her more amunition to complain about life. Kimberly is going to participate in the science fair this year and so in our "spare time" we are working on that. My car has a HUGE oil leak that started when my friend was in the hospital so we are also down one vehicle. I filed a complaint with the hospital with a local deaf advocating agency - still waiting on the latest information from that.
I have also started interpreting more at church to sharpen my skills so that hopefully I can become certified to help the Deaf in our community more. Last week, I interpreted a funeral - that was interesting.
Rebecca had her yearly opthamologist appointment and they said that her perpherial vision has worsened, but her central vision has remained the same. She was upset that she was not getting new glasses - we may still get her some new frames. We are going to a retinal specialist in May to have her evaluated further. The doctor mentioned that we may be able to have surgery to prolong her sight longer, but that it is not a cure. I'm not sure yet if I want to do that, we will have to see how much her sight would improve and the pros/cons of the surgery. We will find out in May.
So, I appologize for not blogging more but as you can see my life has been full lately. Hope everyone has a great season and I will try to keep in touch better.
Happy holidays!
Jasmine broke her arm on the monkey bars a day before Thanksgiving so that also is making our holidays more interesting and giving her more amunition to complain about life. Kimberly is going to participate in the science fair this year and so in our "spare time" we are working on that. My car has a HUGE oil leak that started when my friend was in the hospital so we are also down one vehicle. I filed a complaint with the hospital with a local deaf advocating agency - still waiting on the latest information from that.
I have also started interpreting more at church to sharpen my skills so that hopefully I can become certified to help the Deaf in our community more. Last week, I interpreted a funeral - that was interesting.
Rebecca had her yearly opthamologist appointment and they said that her perpherial vision has worsened, but her central vision has remained the same. She was upset that she was not getting new glasses - we may still get her some new frames. We are going to a retinal specialist in May to have her evaluated further. The doctor mentioned that we may be able to have surgery to prolong her sight longer, but that it is not a cure. I'm not sure yet if I want to do that, we will have to see how much her sight would improve and the pros/cons of the surgery. We will find out in May.
So, I appologize for not blogging more but as you can see my life has been full lately. Hope everyone has a great season and I will try to keep in touch better.
Happy holidays!
Sunday, November 23
Learning To Flush
Jasmine has had trouble remembering to flush the toilet for 3 years now. This was not high on our priority list of problems in our family. We have tried techniques to tackle this in the last 3 years, but so far none have worked. We made a sign in the bathroom, we made up a little rhyme, we made an accronym that we said everytime she went to the bathroom, we rewarded the flushing and I'm sure there were others but I can't think of them. Well, we have decided to tackle this again - this time if she doesn't flush she must clean the toilet when I find it unflushed. Yesterday was the first day of our new attempt. She had to go to the bathroom last night, so before she went in and after she made her announcement - I reminded her of our deal. She said she remembered and went in all gung-ho to flush. Of course, she came out and didn't flush. I waited 5 minutes hoping that she would think about it and go back to flush. Nope--so I went into the bathroom and said, "looks like you forgot something - get out the cleaning supplies". She did it and didn't complain much.
Today, when we were at church in between Sunday school and service both girls went to the bathroom - she remembered to flush!!! You can imagine my excitement! I know it seems silly to be be excited over a 10 year old remembering to flush, but it is true!! I was so proud, I hope it continues.
Today, when we were at church in between Sunday school and service both girls went to the bathroom - she remembered to flush!!! You can imagine my excitement! I know it seems silly to be be excited over a 10 year old remembering to flush, but it is true!! I was so proud, I hope it continues.
Sunday, November 16
I am going to blog about my recent experience and I really don't want everyone to point out the mistakes unless you have a solution.
A friend of mine texted me that she was not feeling well and did not want to drive to PrimaCare alone. She is Deaf. I went with her and interpreted between the dr and her. They treated her for acute gastridus and sent her home. The next day, I tried calling her, texting her but she was not answering. Finally, 4pm she answered me that she just woke up and was still not feeling well. We went back to PrimaCare and she was severly dehydrated. We were sent to the emergency room. PrimaCare called ahead of time to inform them that she was Deaf and that I could interpret until a certified interpreter arrived. They got her right in, this was about 6:30 or 7pm. NOW - I am not a certified interpreter and I have only been signing since last October. I am doing pretty well, but would definately not call me fluent.
The choice for me was do I leave, do I interpret, or what do I do. I did request an interpret and they kept telling me that they were looking for someone. She was REALLY dehydrated and they thought it was her appendix or gallblatter. Her appendix was removed back in the 70s, so we were left with gallblatter. They ran a series of tests and decided she would need to stay overnight until the surgeon came in the morning. Her sister arrived and we finally got a room at about 5 in the morning. I stayed with her all that time. Her sister is relearning sign language, they were apart for many years and she just recently moved close to her sister 2 years ago. They only see each other once, maybe twice a week- so she is learning slow and I can sign better than she can.
I stayed until we got the room and they finished the initial testing. I went home, told her sister to call me in the morning when the surgeon came - I work right across the street and can come if an interpreter has still not arrived. I get home about 5:30, I need to wake up at 7 to get my daughter up for school. I get home in time for Rebecca to leave, say bye to her and go to bed. I wake up and get my other daughter ready for bed. I call my friends room and did not get an answer. I thought maybe they were asleep or out for more testing. I tried again about 8:15, still no answer. I tried again about 8:30, still no answer. I called the hospital after the 3rd time and asked if anyone was in my friends room with her - NO, NO ONE WAS IN THE ROOM WITH HER. I am a person that always wants someone with me in the hospital because nurses can make mistakes - and then add to that, my friend who was drugged up if she was asleep would not know what they were giving her.
I left my work and went straight to the hospital, the surgeon was already there, but wanted to wait for an interpreter to arrive before going over everything with my friend. When I arrived, the nurse told me that they were still not able to find an interpreter. She called the surgeon and told me that someone was there who could interpret for my friend. I told her I was not a certified interpreter. She did not seem to care. My friends sister finally arrived and then the surgeon came. I interpreted the operation choices and the risks involved with each one. Her gallblatter was going to need to be removed. My friends sister asked if an interpreter would be able to go into the operating room with her sister and the surgeon said that he would take care of that and got on the phone - I never stopped interpreting what everyone was saying. The surgeon said (on the phone), "Is there anyway that we can have a family member come in and interpret for _____?" My face fell, but I continued interpreting. I reminded the surgeon that I was not certified, but again I don't think he cared. They said that she would have surgery the next day at 7:45am. I informed my work that unless an interpreter came, I would need to stay with my friend for another day. I had my laptop so in between nurses coming in when my friend was asleep, I was working.
I will not go into all the things that the nurses did that I felt were wrong, but I had a set several nurses straight and educate them on how to work with the Deaf, for example - talk looking at her - NOT ME!! She is a person and deserves that respect. Anyway, I called some of the interpreters from church and together we took shifts. Both of them work in the school system, so could only come at night. They releaved me for about 4 hours, so I could come home and get a couple hours of sleep, say goodnight to my girls and take a shower. In 3 days, I got about 6-7 hours of sleep. Surgery day, her surgery was delayed until 1pm. Can you imagine if no one was there to tell her how worried she would have been??!!
Anyway, the whole thing was very frustrating, but I was happy that I could offer my hands to help. I went into the operating room with her until she was totally out and then I ran to the cafeteria to get something to sleep really quick. I could also only eat if someone brought me food or like this instance when she was in surgery or when a friend releaved me at night. The nurses were very nice and happy that I was there to help facilitate communication. They were never ugly to me and always asked me if I needed anything - I wanted to SHOUT - YEAH, a certified interpreter would be nice. My friend never asked for another interpreter. She was fine with me interpreting and was familiar with my hands - but I still felt that it was just wrong - she deserved better than my hands. God definately spoke through my hands the entire 4 days that I was there and I learned a lot. An interpreter from church brought me an ASL medical dictionary and I studied that at night and especially right before the surgery.
NOW - here is what I wish, and I would like your opinion or advise on this: can the hospital have a video relay phone where they could reach a certified interpreter when they needed one? I know that this is not a replacement for a live interpreter in the room. But I keep thinking what happens when someone is just traveling through our town and has a car accident. What would happen to that Deaf person - none of their family is here. There has to be a solution. I was happy to help my friend. I realize there was a HUGE risk involved with me interpreting, but I really did not see another way. They could have written notes back and forth, but that just seemed wrong too. Her sister wanted me to interpret and I feel like I did a great job. It was scary but also a great learning experience. Makes me want to get my certification and volunteer at the hospital. I heard that they reason that no interperters ever came is because several were never paid by that hospital. I am writing a letter to patient relations of the church and I am also going to make a flyer for the hosptial on how to better work with Deaf or hard of hearing patients.
My friend is doing great and is staying with her sister for the time being and my family is very happy that I am home. Please do not "bash" me for my decision. I felt and still feel like I did the right thing. I would like solutions however for future hearing impaired patients.
A friend of mine texted me that she was not feeling well and did not want to drive to PrimaCare alone. She is Deaf. I went with her and interpreted between the dr and her. They treated her for acute gastridus and sent her home. The next day, I tried calling her, texting her but she was not answering. Finally, 4pm she answered me that she just woke up and was still not feeling well. We went back to PrimaCare and she was severly dehydrated. We were sent to the emergency room. PrimaCare called ahead of time to inform them that she was Deaf and that I could interpret until a certified interpreter arrived. They got her right in, this was about 6:30 or 7pm. NOW - I am not a certified interpreter and I have only been signing since last October. I am doing pretty well, but would definately not call me fluent.
The choice for me was do I leave, do I interpret, or what do I do. I did request an interpret and they kept telling me that they were looking for someone. She was REALLY dehydrated and they thought it was her appendix or gallblatter. Her appendix was removed back in the 70s, so we were left with gallblatter. They ran a series of tests and decided she would need to stay overnight until the surgeon came in the morning. Her sister arrived and we finally got a room at about 5 in the morning. I stayed with her all that time. Her sister is relearning sign language, they were apart for many years and she just recently moved close to her sister 2 years ago. They only see each other once, maybe twice a week- so she is learning slow and I can sign better than she can.
I stayed until we got the room and they finished the initial testing. I went home, told her sister to call me in the morning when the surgeon came - I work right across the street and can come if an interpreter has still not arrived. I get home about 5:30, I need to wake up at 7 to get my daughter up for school. I get home in time for Rebecca to leave, say bye to her and go to bed. I wake up and get my other daughter ready for bed. I call my friends room and did not get an answer. I thought maybe they were asleep or out for more testing. I tried again about 8:15, still no answer. I tried again about 8:30, still no answer. I called the hospital after the 3rd time and asked if anyone was in my friends room with her - NO, NO ONE WAS IN THE ROOM WITH HER. I am a person that always wants someone with me in the hospital because nurses can make mistakes - and then add to that, my friend who was drugged up if she was asleep would not know what they were giving her.
I left my work and went straight to the hospital, the surgeon was already there, but wanted to wait for an interpreter to arrive before going over everything with my friend. When I arrived, the nurse told me that they were still not able to find an interpreter. She called the surgeon and told me that someone was there who could interpret for my friend. I told her I was not a certified interpreter. She did not seem to care. My friends sister finally arrived and then the surgeon came. I interpreted the operation choices and the risks involved with each one. Her gallblatter was going to need to be removed. My friends sister asked if an interpreter would be able to go into the operating room with her sister and the surgeon said that he would take care of that and got on the phone - I never stopped interpreting what everyone was saying. The surgeon said (on the phone), "Is there anyway that we can have a family member come in and interpret for _____?" My face fell, but I continued interpreting. I reminded the surgeon that I was not certified, but again I don't think he cared. They said that she would have surgery the next day at 7:45am. I informed my work that unless an interpreter came, I would need to stay with my friend for another day. I had my laptop so in between nurses coming in when my friend was asleep, I was working.
I will not go into all the things that the nurses did that I felt were wrong, but I had a set several nurses straight and educate them on how to work with the Deaf, for example - talk looking at her - NOT ME!! She is a person and deserves that respect. Anyway, I called some of the interpreters from church and together we took shifts. Both of them work in the school system, so could only come at night. They releaved me for about 4 hours, so I could come home and get a couple hours of sleep, say goodnight to my girls and take a shower. In 3 days, I got about 6-7 hours of sleep. Surgery day, her surgery was delayed until 1pm. Can you imagine if no one was there to tell her how worried she would have been??!!
Anyway, the whole thing was very frustrating, but I was happy that I could offer my hands to help. I went into the operating room with her until she was totally out and then I ran to the cafeteria to get something to sleep really quick. I could also only eat if someone brought me food or like this instance when she was in surgery or when a friend releaved me at night. The nurses were very nice and happy that I was there to help facilitate communication. They were never ugly to me and always asked me if I needed anything - I wanted to SHOUT - YEAH, a certified interpreter would be nice. My friend never asked for another interpreter. She was fine with me interpreting and was familiar with my hands - but I still felt that it was just wrong - she deserved better than my hands. God definately spoke through my hands the entire 4 days that I was there and I learned a lot. An interpreter from church brought me an ASL medical dictionary and I studied that at night and especially right before the surgery.
NOW - here is what I wish, and I would like your opinion or advise on this: can the hospital have a video relay phone where they could reach a certified interpreter when they needed one? I know that this is not a replacement for a live interpreter in the room. But I keep thinking what happens when someone is just traveling through our town and has a car accident. What would happen to that Deaf person - none of their family is here. There has to be a solution. I was happy to help my friend. I realize there was a HUGE risk involved with me interpreting, but I really did not see another way. They could have written notes back and forth, but that just seemed wrong too. Her sister wanted me to interpret and I feel like I did a great job. It was scary but also a great learning experience. Makes me want to get my certification and volunteer at the hospital. I heard that they reason that no interperters ever came is because several were never paid by that hospital. I am writing a letter to patient relations of the church and I am also going to make a flyer for the hosptial on how to better work with Deaf or hard of hearing patients.
My friend is doing great and is staying with her sister for the time being and my family is very happy that I am home. Please do not "bash" me for my decision. I felt and still feel like I did the right thing. I would like solutions however for future hearing impaired patients.
Sunday, November 9
My personal marathon
I AM SO TIRED!!! I feel like I am running a never-ending marathon. I am sure a lot of moms feel this way, but for me this is a first. I feel like I have been running a year marathon for a year now! We do not have anyone that will take both girls for more than 30-45 minutes at one time. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but by the time I drop off the girls and go back home or wherever, it is time to pick them up again and my race has continued! We spend time with each of the girls alone each week and one girl is definately easier, but I still feel like I have only slowed to a jog. Will it ever stop? or will I just collapse??
I find myself being short-tempered and have a lot less patience than I want. Then I feel guilty and have even less stamina for the next round. How can I return to normal again? or has normal gone away??? Will I ever be the mom that I was again??
I find myself being short-tempered and have a lot less patience than I want. Then I feel guilty and have even less stamina for the next round. How can I return to normal again? or has normal gone away??? Will I ever be the mom that I was again??
Thursday, October 23
My Mom Is Deaf -- What???
Up until just recently when Rebecca would introduce me to her friends or new people as her mom, she would always add, "she signed a little bit". URGGG!! It used to drive me crazy. I am working my butt off to learn sign language and I feel like I sign more than just a little bit! Anyway, recently Rebecca started saying that I am Deaf around the house. I told her that I am not Deaf, I am hearing - but that she is Deaf. She says that I am Deaf because I know a lot of sign language now. I asked her if her interpreters were Deaf too because they know a lot of sign language, she said no - they are hearing.
I thought we had moved past it until last week we were in the church bathroom. Rebecca was waiting for me outside the stall and a lady came in. Rebecca did not have her implant on so she couldn't hear her at all. The lady asked her "How are you" and she answered, "Fine. Waiting on mom, she's Deaf." That's what I thought she said anyway, so I got out and when I was washing my hands I asked the lady what Rebecca said. She said she told me that you were Deaf. REALLY????!! So, in front of the lady I explained once again to Kimberly that I am not Deaf, I am hearing. She kept insisting that since I know a lot of sign now that I am Deaf.
Since this time, I just laugh it off when I hear her say it. I don't what her to think that I am NOT wanting to be Deaf and that hearing is superior or something, so everytime I approach it carefully. I tell her that I was not special enough to be Deaf. God only picks a few to be lucky enough to be Deaf. She continues to insist that I am, so I'm just letting her say it. Maybe it makes her feel more connected if she thinks of me as Deaf also.
I am happy though, that she is not saying that I sign "a little bit" anymore. I feel like I have graduated. It only took a year!!
I thought we had moved past it until last week we were in the church bathroom. Rebecca was waiting for me outside the stall and a lady came in. Rebecca did not have her implant on so she couldn't hear her at all. The lady asked her "How are you" and she answered, "Fine. Waiting on mom, she's Deaf." That's what I thought she said anyway, so I got out and when I was washing my hands I asked the lady what Rebecca said. She said she told me that you were Deaf. REALLY????!! So, in front of the lady I explained once again to Kimberly that I am not Deaf, I am hearing. She kept insisting that since I know a lot of sign now that I am Deaf.
Since this time, I just laugh it off when I hear her say it. I don't what her to think that I am NOT wanting to be Deaf and that hearing is superior or something, so everytime I approach it carefully. I tell her that I was not special enough to be Deaf. God only picks a few to be lucky enough to be Deaf. She continues to insist that I am, so I'm just letting her say it. Maybe it makes her feel more connected if she thinks of me as Deaf also.
I am happy though, that she is not saying that I sign "a little bit" anymore. I feel like I have graduated. It only took a year!!
Tuesday, October 21
The other day we went to the Sports Extraganza for the blind and Visually Impaired in Irving. We had a great time & Rebecca came home with 3 gold metals! Jasmine ran with her in the first race to help side-guide her, but she did the other 2 events on her own. I am so grateful that events like this happen to allow our kids to able to participate in sports! There were a couple events that Rebecca couldn't participate in because it relied on hearing and she was disappointed that she couldn't do more events. She got over it and was happy with her 3! She hung them on her wall and goes in her room just to stare at them. She is so proud of herself and we are so proud of her.
This was our first event that we have been to that was for the blind. I wasn't sure how Rebecca was going to handle things, but she did just fine. She kept pointing out people to me who had canes or dogs and we just said "yeah - they have a hard time seeing also".
Halloween is coming up again and our ARD is on Friday. I feel much more prepared this year for both. Thanks to everyone for their support over the past year!
This was our first event that we have been to that was for the blind. I wasn't sure how Rebecca was going to handle things, but she did just fine. She kept pointing out people to me who had canes or dogs and we just said "yeah - they have a hard time seeing also".
Halloween is coming up again and our ARD is on Friday. I feel much more prepared this year for both. Thanks to everyone for their support over the past year!
Saturday, September 27
New Name
Well, we decided - Sense Of FamILY it is!! Thank you everyone for your input. I will continue to write about the same 'ol things, just with a new name.
By the way, we now have Medicaid -- finally!!
By the way, we now have Medicaid -- finally!!
Wednesday, September 24
DENIED??!!
I wasn't going to blog about this, but now it's gotten ridiculous! We changed Rebecca's medicaid/SSI to her new name. We had to stop her SSI because the money was going to our agency, so we stopped SSI and reapplied in her new name. We had to do this as part of our subsidy with the state. Anyway, we also changed her medicaid to reflect her name change as well. The next day, we went to the psychiatrist and they said that they couldn't "see" her, but could write the prescription the same as before. She could do that 1 time. The next time that she wrote the prescription there would have to be an office visit made. Her medicaid number was denied. We took the prescriptions to Walgreens, who said that her medicaid was denied. We called everyone under the sun. Medicaid, SSI, MHMR, everyone told us to call our adoption case worker. We called her and she was wondering why we called her. We went in circles with everyone. My husband took a day and a half off work trying to get everything straighened out to find out that it takes 2 weeks to get everything straighened out between everyone. So we waited and now we are at the 3 week mark.
We received a call yesterday that Rebecca has been DENIED Medicaid, period!! We negotiated medicaid as part of her subsidy. We knew that we could not afford her $1,035 month medicine, plus her audiologist appointment, opthamologist appointments on top of the regular kid doctor visits! My husband and I currently do not have insurance, so we knew this was crutial to have medicaid! My husband took another 1/2 a day off work and went down the SSI office to try to figure it all out. The SSI office said that they needed our subsidy papers from the case worker. The caseworker has been telling us that she is waiting on the SSI office. So, round and round we go again!! Walgreens can't hold her prescription any longer and now we have to get a new prescription which is another doctor visit that we really cannot afford! We also did not receive our subsidy this month which is hundreds of dollars already that had to come off our budget. School started and we had to get clothes, pictures & school shirts and shirts for the girls extra-curricular activities! Sorry, now I'm just complaining. We are very frustrated and never would have imagined this to happen. Her sister was a very smooth transistion and we expected the same with Rebecca.
Anyway, this has been our life the past 3 weeks and it's getting old. Any suggestions??
We received a call yesterday that Rebecca has been DENIED Medicaid, period!! We negotiated medicaid as part of her subsidy. We knew that we could not afford her $1,035 month medicine, plus her audiologist appointment, opthamologist appointments on top of the regular kid doctor visits! My husband and I currently do not have insurance, so we knew this was crutial to have medicaid! My husband took another 1/2 a day off work and went down the SSI office to try to figure it all out. The SSI office said that they needed our subsidy papers from the case worker. The caseworker has been telling us that she is waiting on the SSI office. So, round and round we go again!! Walgreens can't hold her prescription any longer and now we have to get a new prescription which is another doctor visit that we really cannot afford! We also did not receive our subsidy this month which is hundreds of dollars already that had to come off our budget. School started and we had to get clothes, pictures & school shirts and shirts for the girls extra-curricular activities! Sorry, now I'm just complaining. We are very frustrated and never would have imagined this to happen. Her sister was a very smooth transistion and we expected the same with Rebecca.
Anyway, this has been our life the past 3 weeks and it's getting old. Any suggestions??
Saturday, September 20
Yes, I am hearing (guilty)
I am going to give my opinions of how I felt surrounded by a group of wonderful Deaf ladies while I was the only hearing person around. I hope I do not offend anyone...
I went with a friend to a small gathering of Deaf women. This was my first experience that was more than 2 or 3 Deaf people in the same room other than my daughter with her friends. I knew what I was getting into, I knew it would be difficult for me to follow the conversations, so I tried to pick a good seat that I could see everyone. I'm not very good at sideways signing and I know that so I picked an end seat so that at least the signing would not be right beside me. Anyway, my friend introduces me to everyone and I'm watching everyone sign at what seemed to me as their fastest speed ever! I felt like a Texan plopped into New York and trying to keep up. If this was a group of hearing people I would have asked them to stop and take a breath!! All of these people except for my friend, I have never seen before. I was still trying to get used to how they signed and just watch their hands.
About 3 or 4 minutes after we arrive, I could tell two women were talking about me and then one turned to ask me a question. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights and I guess I did not respond fast enough because another lady then asked me if I was hearing. I responded, "yes" and then the looks of pity and "OooooH"s went around the table. Then the conversation seemed to slow down and one lady asked me after a couple of sentences, "understand?". I wanted to say, "yes, I understand -- I'm not stupid, I'm hearing", but I didn't - I jumped into the conversation and did my best. One lady asked me if I would prefer that she used her voice, please don't patronize me. I didn't need voices, I just needed to familiarize myself with their accents. They asked me about my children and where they go to school, etc. I normally don't say that my children are adopted unless adoption comes up, but it seems that when I am around other Deaf people I feel like I must justify my signing skills with the fact that we have only had Rebecca for a year. I made myself promise that I would not bring this up this time - I wanted them to accept me for me and not the fact that I have adopted two children, one Deaf. After I say that my daughter is 10, I feel that everyone is saying in their head - "another hearing parent that can't sign as well as she should for having a 10 year old". Maybe this is all in my head and it probably is-I'm really self-conscious about my signing and want to do well. My friend speaks up about 2.5 hours into the visit that we have adopted Rebecca. From that moment on, I felt more accepted and they realized I am trying to learn the language and not a bad parent. They talked more 1 on 1 with me after that.
It was a great visit and I learned some new variations of signs. I didn't get home until 1am. It was a pretty exhausting day. I had my last day at my job that I had been with for almost 5 years. This was my dream job--but my life has changed with the girls and I need to be home more, so I am changing jobs. I am going to miss the people that I worked with considerably and it was a difficult decision for me. So, emotionally I was drained when I arrived at the group. The girls had a sleep over when I was at the group. Rebecca did not want me to go and her sister would be with her, so I felt like she would be fine alone. She was the only Deaf person at the sleep over and her Ushers does not make sleepovers any easier. I told her sister and the adults that were at the sleep over to let her sleep near the doors and light if possible so that she doesn't trip over people if she has to get up and go to the bathroom. She said that she had a great time and I was glad that she did it on her own. I guess you have to let go sometimes, even though it is hard.
I went with a friend to a small gathering of Deaf women. This was my first experience that was more than 2 or 3 Deaf people in the same room other than my daughter with her friends. I knew what I was getting into, I knew it would be difficult for me to follow the conversations, so I tried to pick a good seat that I could see everyone. I'm not very good at sideways signing and I know that so I picked an end seat so that at least the signing would not be right beside me. Anyway, my friend introduces me to everyone and I'm watching everyone sign at what seemed to me as their fastest speed ever! I felt like a Texan plopped into New York and trying to keep up. If this was a group of hearing people I would have asked them to stop and take a breath!! All of these people except for my friend, I have never seen before. I was still trying to get used to how they signed and just watch their hands.
About 3 or 4 minutes after we arrive, I could tell two women were talking about me and then one turned to ask me a question. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights and I guess I did not respond fast enough because another lady then asked me if I was hearing. I responded, "yes" and then the looks of pity and "OooooH"s went around the table. Then the conversation seemed to slow down and one lady asked me after a couple of sentences, "understand?". I wanted to say, "yes, I understand -- I'm not stupid, I'm hearing", but I didn't - I jumped into the conversation and did my best. One lady asked me if I would prefer that she used her voice, please don't patronize me. I didn't need voices, I just needed to familiarize myself with their accents. They asked me about my children and where they go to school, etc. I normally don't say that my children are adopted unless adoption comes up, but it seems that when I am around other Deaf people I feel like I must justify my signing skills with the fact that we have only had Rebecca for a year. I made myself promise that I would not bring this up this time - I wanted them to accept me for me and not the fact that I have adopted two children, one Deaf. After I say that my daughter is 10, I feel that everyone is saying in their head - "another hearing parent that can't sign as well as she should for having a 10 year old". Maybe this is all in my head and it probably is-I'm really self-conscious about my signing and want to do well. My friend speaks up about 2.5 hours into the visit that we have adopted Rebecca. From that moment on, I felt more accepted and they realized I am trying to learn the language and not a bad parent. They talked more 1 on 1 with me after that.
It was a great visit and I learned some new variations of signs. I didn't get home until 1am. It was a pretty exhausting day. I had my last day at my job that I had been with for almost 5 years. This was my dream job--but my life has changed with the girls and I need to be home more, so I am changing jobs. I am going to miss the people that I worked with considerably and it was a difficult decision for me. So, emotionally I was drained when I arrived at the group. The girls had a sleep over when I was at the group. Rebecca did not want me to go and her sister would be with her, so I felt like she would be fine alone. She was the only Deaf person at the sleep over and her Ushers does not make sleepovers any easier. I told her sister and the adults that were at the sleep over to let her sleep near the doors and light if possible so that she doesn't trip over people if she has to get up and go to the bathroom. She said that she had a great time and I was glad that she did it on her own. I guess you have to let go sometimes, even though it is hard.
Thursday, September 11
I Can't See!
Rebecca woke up saying that she can't see out of her left eye! I know that is not how Ushers works, so this really surprised me. We sent her to school and had her VI evaluate her. At 8:30am, I was calling to make her an opthamologist appointment. At 9am, I get a call from her school that she tested better on her vision than the last time - WHAT IS GOING ON??
At night, I talked to her more and she thinks it is just the way she slept last night. Her eye hurt and bothered her all day & then to top it off she got hit in the head with ball (not uncommon) and broke her glasses.
We are changing over her name with Medicaid which has taken us several days and is still not right. I made an opthamologist appointment for a later date and will have her checked out. Right now, we are just going to monitor her and see if it gets better.
At night, I talked to her more and she thinks it is just the way she slept last night. Her eye hurt and bothered her all day & then to top it off she got hit in the head with ball (not uncommon) and broke her glasses.
We are changing over her name with Medicaid which has taken us several days and is still not right. I made an opthamologist appointment for a later date and will have her checked out. Right now, we are just going to monitor her and see if it gets better.
Monday, September 8
Bible Drill / Choir
My girls both want to do Bible Drill this year, which is wonderful but also comes with a series of concerns. We get to Bible Drill and I explain that I am going to be interpreting for Rebecca. She does wonderfully, she is very smart. She only read the verse 1 time and it was memorized. She already knows how to fully spell the first 5 books of the bible, including Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Anyway, I'm not terribly suprised by this but others were. Questions arose, how is she going to sign and hold her Bible at the same time? My answer, not sure how all of this is going to work - but I know that God will work all of that out for us.
I'm very excited about Bible Drill this year and proud that my girls asked to participate.
Rebecca also wants to be in Choir (with signs) this year. We are running into transportation problems with that so pray that works itself out. I know it would be a great thing for her and help her learn much more vocabulary very quickly just as Bible Drill is doing.
I'm very excited about Bible Drill this year and proud that my girls asked to participate.
Rebecca also wants to be in Choir (with signs) this year. We are running into transportation problems with that so pray that works itself out. I know it would be a great thing for her and help her learn much more vocabulary very quickly just as Bible Drill is doing.
Saturday, August 30
What Is RAD??
Some have asked, "What is RAD?" Very hard to explain RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), but here's my attempt:
Imagine if you can...
You feel physical pain when loved. You feel so angry and hurt that you can't stand to be in your body. You live your life knowing that you are unlovable and can prove it. You have never felt love, guilt, empathy or need. You are wasting your childhoook believing that every adult is stupid and needs to be controlled. You have no favorite blanket, toy, pet, or person because they are always taken from you. You must always be in control to stay alive.
You feel physical pain when loved. You feel so angry and hurt that you can't stand to be in your body. You live your life knowing that you are unlovable and can prove it. You have never felt love, guilt, empathy or need. You are wasting your childhoook believing that every adult is stupid and needs to be controlled. You have no favorite blanket, toy, pet, or person because they are always taken from you. You must always be in control to stay alive.
RAD occurs in children that were traumatized as a young child. Here's a brainscan of a child who was severely neglected as my children were. This is the best way to show you show RAD starts:
RAD is common in adoptive families as well as families that were seperated for a number of reasons (hospital visits when the child was young, etc).
Here's some symptoms of RAD:
- superficially engaging & charming - they can charm the pants off anyone!
- lack of eye contact when communicating
- indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
- not affectionate on parents’ terms - not cuddly, don't like to sit in our laps, hugs, etc.
- destructive to self, others and material things
- cruelty to animals
- lying about the obvious (crazy lying)
- stealing
- no impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)
- learning lags
- lack of cause and effect thinking
- lack of conscience
- abnormal eating patterns
- poor peer relationships
- preoccupation with fire, blood and gore
- persistent nonsense questions & chatter
- inappropriately demanding & clingy
- abnormal speech patterns
- triangulation of adults (pitting mom against dad or therapists/teachers against parents)
- presumptive entitlement issues
Each one of these are over the top. All children go though phases, but what you realize with RAD children is that these are too the extreme and do not end like a phase would.
The hardest thing with RAD has been building their self-esteem while fighting the RAD, because you give them a compliment you risk them feeling closer to you and then you will see and explosion and them pushing away from you. It is very difficult and exhausting raising RAD children because you have to be in control, but making them feel like they are in control. You have to be a confidence booster but aware of what may be coming. You have to plan constantly and allow them to know what is happening next, because they MUST know or they feel out of control.
Our RAD child is improving, but it's a S-L-O-W process. It has improved with us, but has not improved as much with other people such as teachers, grandparents, etc. We still encounter plenty of RAD moments, but it's not 24-hours now - maybe only 2-3 hrs a day.
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