Well, we decided - Sense Of FamILY it is!! Thank you everyone for your input. I will continue to write about the same 'ol things, just with a new name.
By the way, we now have Medicaid -- finally!!
Saturday, September 27
Wednesday, September 24
DENIED??!!
I wasn't going to blog about this, but now it's gotten ridiculous! We changed Rebecca's medicaid/SSI to her new name. We had to stop her SSI because the money was going to our agency, so we stopped SSI and reapplied in her new name. We had to do this as part of our subsidy with the state. Anyway, we also changed her medicaid to reflect her name change as well. The next day, we went to the psychiatrist and they said that they couldn't "see" her, but could write the prescription the same as before. She could do that 1 time. The next time that she wrote the prescription there would have to be an office visit made. Her medicaid number was denied. We took the prescriptions to Walgreens, who said that her medicaid was denied. We called everyone under the sun. Medicaid, SSI, MHMR, everyone told us to call our adoption case worker. We called her and she was wondering why we called her. We went in circles with everyone. My husband took a day and a half off work trying to get everything straighened out to find out that it takes 2 weeks to get everything straighened out between everyone. So we waited and now we are at the 3 week mark.
We received a call yesterday that Rebecca has been DENIED Medicaid, period!! We negotiated medicaid as part of her subsidy. We knew that we could not afford her $1,035 month medicine, plus her audiologist appointment, opthamologist appointments on top of the regular kid doctor visits! My husband and I currently do not have insurance, so we knew this was crutial to have medicaid! My husband took another 1/2 a day off work and went down the SSI office to try to figure it all out. The SSI office said that they needed our subsidy papers from the case worker. The caseworker has been telling us that she is waiting on the SSI office. So, round and round we go again!! Walgreens can't hold her prescription any longer and now we have to get a new prescription which is another doctor visit that we really cannot afford! We also did not receive our subsidy this month which is hundreds of dollars already that had to come off our budget. School started and we had to get clothes, pictures & school shirts and shirts for the girls extra-curricular activities! Sorry, now I'm just complaining. We are very frustrated and never would have imagined this to happen. Her sister was a very smooth transistion and we expected the same with Rebecca.
Anyway, this has been our life the past 3 weeks and it's getting old. Any suggestions??
We received a call yesterday that Rebecca has been DENIED Medicaid, period!! We negotiated medicaid as part of her subsidy. We knew that we could not afford her $1,035 month medicine, plus her audiologist appointment, opthamologist appointments on top of the regular kid doctor visits! My husband and I currently do not have insurance, so we knew this was crutial to have medicaid! My husband took another 1/2 a day off work and went down the SSI office to try to figure it all out. The SSI office said that they needed our subsidy papers from the case worker. The caseworker has been telling us that she is waiting on the SSI office. So, round and round we go again!! Walgreens can't hold her prescription any longer and now we have to get a new prescription which is another doctor visit that we really cannot afford! We also did not receive our subsidy this month which is hundreds of dollars already that had to come off our budget. School started and we had to get clothes, pictures & school shirts and shirts for the girls extra-curricular activities! Sorry, now I'm just complaining. We are very frustrated and never would have imagined this to happen. Her sister was a very smooth transistion and we expected the same with Rebecca.
Anyway, this has been our life the past 3 weeks and it's getting old. Any suggestions??
Saturday, September 20
Yes, I am hearing (guilty)
I am going to give my opinions of how I felt surrounded by a group of wonderful Deaf ladies while I was the only hearing person around. I hope I do not offend anyone...
I went with a friend to a small gathering of Deaf women. This was my first experience that was more than 2 or 3 Deaf people in the same room other than my daughter with her friends. I knew what I was getting into, I knew it would be difficult for me to follow the conversations, so I tried to pick a good seat that I could see everyone. I'm not very good at sideways signing and I know that so I picked an end seat so that at least the signing would not be right beside me. Anyway, my friend introduces me to everyone and I'm watching everyone sign at what seemed to me as their fastest speed ever! I felt like a Texan plopped into New York and trying to keep up. If this was a group of hearing people I would have asked them to stop and take a breath!! All of these people except for my friend, I have never seen before. I was still trying to get used to how they signed and just watch their hands.
About 3 or 4 minutes after we arrive, I could tell two women were talking about me and then one turned to ask me a question. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights and I guess I did not respond fast enough because another lady then asked me if I was hearing. I responded, "yes" and then the looks of pity and "OooooH"s went around the table. Then the conversation seemed to slow down and one lady asked me after a couple of sentences, "understand?". I wanted to say, "yes, I understand -- I'm not stupid, I'm hearing", but I didn't - I jumped into the conversation and did my best. One lady asked me if I would prefer that she used her voice, please don't patronize me. I didn't need voices, I just needed to familiarize myself with their accents. They asked me about my children and where they go to school, etc. I normally don't say that my children are adopted unless adoption comes up, but it seems that when I am around other Deaf people I feel like I must justify my signing skills with the fact that we have only had Rebecca for a year. I made myself promise that I would not bring this up this time - I wanted them to accept me for me and not the fact that I have adopted two children, one Deaf. After I say that my daughter is 10, I feel that everyone is saying in their head - "another hearing parent that can't sign as well as she should for having a 10 year old". Maybe this is all in my head and it probably is-I'm really self-conscious about my signing and want to do well. My friend speaks up about 2.5 hours into the visit that we have adopted Rebecca. From that moment on, I felt more accepted and they realized I am trying to learn the language and not a bad parent. They talked more 1 on 1 with me after that.
It was a great visit and I learned some new variations of signs. I didn't get home until 1am. It was a pretty exhausting day. I had my last day at my job that I had been with for almost 5 years. This was my dream job--but my life has changed with the girls and I need to be home more, so I am changing jobs. I am going to miss the people that I worked with considerably and it was a difficult decision for me. So, emotionally I was drained when I arrived at the group. The girls had a sleep over when I was at the group. Rebecca did not want me to go and her sister would be with her, so I felt like she would be fine alone. She was the only Deaf person at the sleep over and her Ushers does not make sleepovers any easier. I told her sister and the adults that were at the sleep over to let her sleep near the doors and light if possible so that she doesn't trip over people if she has to get up and go to the bathroom. She said that she had a great time and I was glad that she did it on her own. I guess you have to let go sometimes, even though it is hard.
I went with a friend to a small gathering of Deaf women. This was my first experience that was more than 2 or 3 Deaf people in the same room other than my daughter with her friends. I knew what I was getting into, I knew it would be difficult for me to follow the conversations, so I tried to pick a good seat that I could see everyone. I'm not very good at sideways signing and I know that so I picked an end seat so that at least the signing would not be right beside me. Anyway, my friend introduces me to everyone and I'm watching everyone sign at what seemed to me as their fastest speed ever! I felt like a Texan plopped into New York and trying to keep up. If this was a group of hearing people I would have asked them to stop and take a breath!! All of these people except for my friend, I have never seen before. I was still trying to get used to how they signed and just watch their hands.
About 3 or 4 minutes after we arrive, I could tell two women were talking about me and then one turned to ask me a question. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights and I guess I did not respond fast enough because another lady then asked me if I was hearing. I responded, "yes" and then the looks of pity and "OooooH"s went around the table. Then the conversation seemed to slow down and one lady asked me after a couple of sentences, "understand?". I wanted to say, "yes, I understand -- I'm not stupid, I'm hearing", but I didn't - I jumped into the conversation and did my best. One lady asked me if I would prefer that she used her voice, please don't patronize me. I didn't need voices, I just needed to familiarize myself with their accents. They asked me about my children and where they go to school, etc. I normally don't say that my children are adopted unless adoption comes up, but it seems that when I am around other Deaf people I feel like I must justify my signing skills with the fact that we have only had Rebecca for a year. I made myself promise that I would not bring this up this time - I wanted them to accept me for me and not the fact that I have adopted two children, one Deaf. After I say that my daughter is 10, I feel that everyone is saying in their head - "another hearing parent that can't sign as well as she should for having a 10 year old". Maybe this is all in my head and it probably is-I'm really self-conscious about my signing and want to do well. My friend speaks up about 2.5 hours into the visit that we have adopted Rebecca. From that moment on, I felt more accepted and they realized I am trying to learn the language and not a bad parent. They talked more 1 on 1 with me after that.
It was a great visit and I learned some new variations of signs. I didn't get home until 1am. It was a pretty exhausting day. I had my last day at my job that I had been with for almost 5 years. This was my dream job--but my life has changed with the girls and I need to be home more, so I am changing jobs. I am going to miss the people that I worked with considerably and it was a difficult decision for me. So, emotionally I was drained when I arrived at the group. The girls had a sleep over when I was at the group. Rebecca did not want me to go and her sister would be with her, so I felt like she would be fine alone. She was the only Deaf person at the sleep over and her Ushers does not make sleepovers any easier. I told her sister and the adults that were at the sleep over to let her sleep near the doors and light if possible so that she doesn't trip over people if she has to get up and go to the bathroom. She said that she had a great time and I was glad that she did it on her own. I guess you have to let go sometimes, even though it is hard.
Thursday, September 11
I Can't See!
Rebecca woke up saying that she can't see out of her left eye! I know that is not how Ushers works, so this really surprised me. We sent her to school and had her VI evaluate her. At 8:30am, I was calling to make her an opthamologist appointment. At 9am, I get a call from her school that she tested better on her vision than the last time - WHAT IS GOING ON??
At night, I talked to her more and she thinks it is just the way she slept last night. Her eye hurt and bothered her all day & then to top it off she got hit in the head with ball (not uncommon) and broke her glasses.
We are changing over her name with Medicaid which has taken us several days and is still not right. I made an opthamologist appointment for a later date and will have her checked out. Right now, we are just going to monitor her and see if it gets better.
At night, I talked to her more and she thinks it is just the way she slept last night. Her eye hurt and bothered her all day & then to top it off she got hit in the head with ball (not uncommon) and broke her glasses.
We are changing over her name with Medicaid which has taken us several days and is still not right. I made an opthamologist appointment for a later date and will have her checked out. Right now, we are just going to monitor her and see if it gets better.
Monday, September 8
Bible Drill / Choir
My girls both want to do Bible Drill this year, which is wonderful but also comes with a series of concerns. We get to Bible Drill and I explain that I am going to be interpreting for Rebecca. She does wonderfully, she is very smart. She only read the verse 1 time and it was memorized. She already knows how to fully spell the first 5 books of the bible, including Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Anyway, I'm not terribly suprised by this but others were. Questions arose, how is she going to sign and hold her Bible at the same time? My answer, not sure how all of this is going to work - but I know that God will work all of that out for us.
I'm very excited about Bible Drill this year and proud that my girls asked to participate.
Rebecca also wants to be in Choir (with signs) this year. We are running into transportation problems with that so pray that works itself out. I know it would be a great thing for her and help her learn much more vocabulary very quickly just as Bible Drill is doing.
I'm very excited about Bible Drill this year and proud that my girls asked to participate.
Rebecca also wants to be in Choir (with signs) this year. We are running into transportation problems with that so pray that works itself out. I know it would be a great thing for her and help her learn much more vocabulary very quickly just as Bible Drill is doing.
Saturday, August 30
What Is RAD??
Some have asked, "What is RAD?" Very hard to explain RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), but here's my attempt:
Imagine if you can...
You feel physical pain when loved. You feel so angry and hurt that you can't stand to be in your body. You live your life knowing that you are unlovable and can prove it. You have never felt love, guilt, empathy or need. You are wasting your childhoook believing that every adult is stupid and needs to be controlled. You have no favorite blanket, toy, pet, or person because they are always taken from you. You must always be in control to stay alive.
You feel physical pain when loved. You feel so angry and hurt that you can't stand to be in your body. You live your life knowing that you are unlovable and can prove it. You have never felt love, guilt, empathy or need. You are wasting your childhoook believing that every adult is stupid and needs to be controlled. You have no favorite blanket, toy, pet, or person because they are always taken from you. You must always be in control to stay alive.
RAD occurs in children that were traumatized as a young child. Here's a brainscan of a child who was severely neglected as my children were. This is the best way to show you show RAD starts:
RAD is common in adoptive families as well as families that were seperated for a number of reasons (hospital visits when the child was young, etc).
Here's some symptoms of RAD:
- superficially engaging & charming - they can charm the pants off anyone!
- lack of eye contact when communicating
- indiscriminately affectionate with strangers
- not affectionate on parents’ terms - not cuddly, don't like to sit in our laps, hugs, etc.
- destructive to self, others and material things
- cruelty to animals
- lying about the obvious (crazy lying)
- stealing
- no impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)
- learning lags
- lack of cause and effect thinking
- lack of conscience
- abnormal eating patterns
- poor peer relationships
- preoccupation with fire, blood and gore
- persistent nonsense questions & chatter
- inappropriately demanding & clingy
- abnormal speech patterns
- triangulation of adults (pitting mom against dad or therapists/teachers against parents)
- presumptive entitlement issues
Each one of these are over the top. All children go though phases, but what you realize with RAD children is that these are too the extreme and do not end like a phase would.
The hardest thing with RAD has been building their self-esteem while fighting the RAD, because you give them a compliment you risk them feeling closer to you and then you will see and explosion and them pushing away from you. It is very difficult and exhausting raising RAD children because you have to be in control, but making them feel like they are in control. You have to be a confidence booster but aware of what may be coming. You have to plan constantly and allow them to know what is happening next, because they MUST know or they feel out of control.
Our RAD child is improving, but it's a S-L-O-W process. It has improved with us, but has not improved as much with other people such as teachers, grandparents, etc. We still encounter plenty of RAD moments, but it's not 24-hours now - maybe only 2-3 hrs a day.
What's In A Name??
Choosing a new title for this blog has been very difficult for me, it's like naming a child. I am trying to encompass the many things about our family into the name. Here's a few of what I have came up with. Please vote to the right and let me know what you think.
HAND TO HAND - Eventually we will be communicating with Kimberly with our hands in her hands using tactile signing. We do this a little bit now after she is in bed, at the movies, etc. RAD is another thread that runs through our family and touching is very important and difficult for her. I also thought about how both of our children have moved from family to family to get here, thus going through several hands to reach our hands.
SENSE OF FAMILY - Obviously hearing and seeing are both senses that are lost in our family and also we are trying to give our children the sense of being a part of a family. Both children have to learn what that means to be part of a family.
THE BIGGER PICTURE - everything will need to be bigger for Rebecca, but also we are trying to instill in our children to look at the bigger picture of life. God is in control and there are other people who we are meant to serve. Life is not about me, me, me. Also think about our whole picture from birth to us, it's quite a portrait.
ADAPTATIONS - we are constantly struggling with the adaptations that come with Ushers as well as just helping our children deal with change in a better way. For my husband and myself, this whole journey has done a huge flip flop on our lives and we are adapting as well.
IT'S NOT THE END... - Adoption was not the end for us, only the beginning. Also, with each news that we are given we have to think, "okay, now what..." it's not the end, only a different beginning.
Other thoughts were... SEE the difference, Living the Big Life, RADical changes, Incredible Journey, What's Next?
Our family includes adoption, foster care, Ushers Sydrome, PTSD, RAD, ADHD, Bi-polar (mood disorder), constant struggle with change, CIs, hearing aids, eating disorders, etc. We are a Christian family and the holy spirit has guided us though each of our monumental decisions that have led us to here. We are on quite a journey and can't wait to see what is next for us.
If you have any other suggestions for the title of the blog let me know. I will keep the site http://ushersmom.blogspot.com , that part will not change.
HAND TO HAND - Eventually we will be communicating with Kimberly with our hands in her hands using tactile signing. We do this a little bit now after she is in bed, at the movies, etc. RAD is another thread that runs through our family and touching is very important and difficult for her. I also thought about how both of our children have moved from family to family to get here, thus going through several hands to reach our hands.
SENSE OF FAMILY - Obviously hearing and seeing are both senses that are lost in our family and also we are trying to give our children the sense of being a part of a family. Both children have to learn what that means to be part of a family.
THE BIGGER PICTURE - everything will need to be bigger for Rebecca, but also we are trying to instill in our children to look at the bigger picture of life. God is in control and there are other people who we are meant to serve. Life is not about me, me, me. Also think about our whole picture from birth to us, it's quite a portrait.
ADAPTATIONS - we are constantly struggling with the adaptations that come with Ushers as well as just helping our children deal with change in a better way. For my husband and myself, this whole journey has done a huge flip flop on our lives and we are adapting as well.
IT'S NOT THE END... - Adoption was not the end for us, only the beginning. Also, with each news that we are given we have to think, "okay, now what..." it's not the end, only a different beginning.
Other thoughts were... SEE the difference, Living the Big Life, RADical changes, Incredible Journey, What's Next?
Our family includes adoption, foster care, Ushers Sydrome, PTSD, RAD, ADHD, Bi-polar (mood disorder), constant struggle with change, CIs, hearing aids, eating disorders, etc. We are a Christian family and the holy spirit has guided us though each of our monumental decisions that have led us to here. We are on quite a journey and can't wait to see what is next for us.
If you have any other suggestions for the title of the blog let me know. I will keep the site http://ushersmom.blogspot.com , that part will not change.
Friday, August 22
Children Stories On Video
I found this awesome video about a month ago and I have been meaning to share it. It's the only website I have found like this and my children absolutely love it. If you know of more sites like this, please share.
http://pbskids.org/lions/cornerstones/
Thank You PBS!!
http://pbskids.org/lions/cornerstones/
Thank You PBS!!
Tuesday, August 19
Rebecca's Adopted!!
Well...we have reached the finish line, or the starting line, however you want to look at it. Court was incredible. We got the certified interpreter (yippee!!) and she was great! We had the same judge that our other daughter was adopted with, so she got to see our family come full circle. The girls CASA worker was there even though she has been off their case for years. CPS and our private agency case worker was also there. Then there was the court reporter, the interpreter and the 4 of us. It was pretty full. The judge first took us to private quarters, but it was too crowded, so we moved to a courtroom upstairs. The CASA worker recorded the whole adoption for us, she kept the camera on Rebecca's back and the interpreter so that she can watch we can all watch it back later. We took several pictures of the girls and the judge on the bench and then a picture of all of us with the judge. The interpreter came up to me afterwards with tears in her eyes saying this was the best and most rewarding interpreting job she has had in 30 years and thanked me for making sure that they had her there. She said that she has interpreted babies being born and thought that was incredible, but our adoption experience blew that out of the water. I loved her and I am so grateful that I pushed for her. Thank you Ms. Washington! You were wonderful and an answer to my prayers.
After court the girls ran out of the courthouse screaming (they had been quiet for an hour), "OH YEAH!!!" Rebecca screamed, "I'm adopted" at the top of her lungs.
Then we headed to San Antonio for a weekend at Sea World and the River Walk. The evening of our adoption we took the girls to the Hemisphere Tower for dinner. They enjoyed the scenic views of San Antonio. We crashed right after dinner at our hotel and then got up early for breakfast and Sea World. Sea World was very accomodating and the girls had a fantastic time both days! The last day it was sprinkling, so we walked down the river walk a little bit, drove by the Alamo and then headed back home stopping in Austin along the way so the girls could see the capital building. It was still raining, so we did not get out.
Thank you everyone for your prayers, thoughts and advise this past year. I am thinking of names to change the blog to, I would love any suggestions or thoughts - I haven't thought of anything that sticks really. Our family is kind-of crazy, I want it to remain about adoption and children in foster care because that's the heart of our family. One of my daughters has RAD, PTSD, ADHD, mood disorder (bi-polar), etc. and then Rebecca has Ushers Syndrome. We have a challenging family and try to face each day with dignity and faith. Let me know your thoughts.
Thanks again!! SHE'S ADOPTED!!!
After court the girls ran out of the courthouse screaming (they had been quiet for an hour), "OH YEAH!!!" Rebecca screamed, "I'm adopted" at the top of her lungs.
Then we headed to San Antonio for a weekend at Sea World and the River Walk. The evening of our adoption we took the girls to the Hemisphere Tower for dinner. They enjoyed the scenic views of San Antonio. We crashed right after dinner at our hotel and then got up early for breakfast and Sea World. Sea World was very accomodating and the girls had a fantastic time both days! The last day it was sprinkling, so we walked down the river walk a little bit, drove by the Alamo and then headed back home stopping in Austin along the way so the girls could see the capital building. It was still raining, so we did not get out.
Thank you everyone for your prayers, thoughts and advise this past year. I am thinking of names to change the blog to, I would love any suggestions or thoughts - I haven't thought of anything that sticks really. Our family is kind-of crazy, I want it to remain about adoption and children in foster care because that's the heart of our family. One of my daughters has RAD, PTSD, ADHD, mood disorder (bi-polar), etc. and then Rebecca has Ushers Syndrome. We have a challenging family and try to face each day with dignity and faith. Let me know your thoughts.
Thanks again!! SHE'S ADOPTED!!!
Monday, August 11
Court Decision
Thanks to everyone for your support and great advice. I contacted the lawyer and explained to them again in great detail (thank you NAD) about Rebecca's rights and why I would feel better with a certified interpreter. I told them that I understand that finding an interpreter is difficult and I appreciate their efforts in finding someone to interpret for court, however I would like the best for my daughter as I am sure that they would want the same for theirs.
They mentioned that they didn't think that having a certified interpreter was crutial because Rebecca was not a sworn in witness to the case (I think those were the words that she used). I explained that it didn't matter if she was only in the audience, they would still need to provide an interpreter.
I told them that I wanted to expediate this adoption, Rebecca has waited long enough and I didn't to prolong it anymore. I want them to continue to look for a certified interperpreter, but if the CASA volunteer was all that they could find I would accept that so that we could complete the adoption. They later called back and said that they found a court level interperpreter and would know if she would be available on Friday tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed.
I think I got the point across to the lawyer and the court. I think the next time that a Deaf individual comes into their courtroom they will know the law better and that person will not have to go through the hassle that I just when through.
They mentioned that they didn't think that having a certified interpreter was crutial because Rebecca was not a sworn in witness to the case (I think those were the words that she used). I explained that it didn't matter if she was only in the audience, they would still need to provide an interpreter.
I told them that I wanted to expediate this adoption, Rebecca has waited long enough and I didn't to prolong it anymore. I want them to continue to look for a certified interperpreter, but if the CASA volunteer was all that they could find I would accept that so that we could complete the adoption. They later called back and said that they found a court level interperpreter and would know if she would be available on Friday tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed.
I think I got the point across to the lawyer and the court. I think the next time that a Deaf individual comes into their courtroom they will know the law better and that person will not have to go through the hassle that I just when through.
Saturday, August 9
When Is It Too Much?
I found out more about the interpreter that will be present at our court hearing. He is a CASA volunteer. He is certified, but not up to a level 3. I had several conversations with our attorney about this and CPS. I have told them Rebecca's rights and what we expect. I almost lost our attorney because she is so frustrated with our case, partly me and partly my private agency. They don't know if they can find someone by the 15th who is level 3 (or higher) or court certified before the 15th or if that person can make it on the 15th. At several points, I felt like I was fighting a losing battle and that we were going to lose our attorney and/or lose our court date.
When does advocating become not worth it and should I just accept the CASA volunteer. He is probably very good, he has a full time job and his wife is a Deaf Ed teacher. He has been in the Deaf community for over 15 years. I started to feel like I was just pushing too hard and they were going to have to put off the court date for another month, which would be after school starts which is what we have been trying to avoid all summer. It would also be heartbreaking to Rebecca if we lost the court date. We have a countdown in our house and she is really looking forward to next Friday. How important is it that we have a "legally correct" interpreter?
When does advocating become not worth it and should I just accept the CASA volunteer. He is probably very good, he has a full time job and his wife is a Deaf Ed teacher. He has been in the Deaf community for over 15 years. I started to feel like I was just pushing too hard and they were going to have to put off the court date for another month, which would be after school starts which is what we have been trying to avoid all summer. It would also be heartbreaking to Rebecca if we lost the court date. We have a countdown in our house and she is really looking forward to next Friday. How important is it that we have a "legally correct" interpreter?
Tuesday, August 5
Court Date
We have our court date and they found an interpreter! Hallelujah! We will be traveling to East Texas on the 14th and will be in court on the 15th at 10am! We are so happy and excited. The girls can barely sleep tonight. Just 10 more days and she will be ours forever!
Saturday, August 2
Legal Rights For Court
I am about to confront, once again, the right for Rebecca to have an interpreter. Since, this appears to be a common thing (at least I find it to be) I will start blogging about how I fight this unjust and cruel world that we live in.
When I reminded Rebecca's attorney that Rebecca is Deaf and will need an interpreter, I got the same reaction that I seem to get a lot : "Can't you interpret?" I HATE THAT QUESTION!! I feel like if I say no, then they think, "How do you communicate with her then?" and if I say yes, then they are missing the point. I stopped answering yes or now and just advise them of her rights. Some people are persistant, but you have to be persistant back. Her attorney told me that sometimes I will have to be both the parent and the interpreter - like I didn't know this. I find myself in the interpreter role all the time, but not for court! I will not interpret for court!!! This is our families day and we all have the right to enjoy it together!!! URG!! Anyway, jumping down from my soapbox...here is what I will be sending the attorney and the court in East Texas to help me travel down this road...God help us!
State and Local Courts
To refer others to this page, please use:http://www.nad.org/statelocalcourts
People who are deaf or hard of hearing have a right to communicate effectively and to participate in proceedings and activities conducted by all state and local courts. Specifically, they are entitled to have courts provide and pay for auxiliary aids and services to enable them to understand and be understood. This right is based on a federal law, Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). 42 U.S.C. §§ 12131-12134. The U.S. Department of Justice has issued regulations explaining the requirements of the ADA. 28 C.F.R. Part 35, 56 Fed. Reg. 35694 (July 26, 1991) (U.S. Department of Justice Final Rule: Nondiscrimination on the Basis of Disability in State and Local Government Services).
The ADA protects all persons participating in court activities, including litigants, witnesses, jurors, spectators, and attorneys. It applies to any type of court proceeding in any type of state or local court, including civil, criminal, traffic, small claims, domestic relations, juvenile, and other specialized courts. It also applies to other activities conducted by court systems, such as personnel, educational activities, marriage ceremonies performed by court personnel or magistrates, and communication with clerks and other court personnel. This law also protects deaf or hard of hearing parents of minor children who are involved in court proceedings. Parents of a minor who is the subject of a juvenile proceeding are clearly “participants” in the proceeding even though the parents are not parties or witnesses. They are entitled to auxiliary aids and services, such as qualified interpreter services, during the proceeding. Furthermore, the ADA applies to “members of the public.” Therefore, deaf or hard of hearing spectators who are neither parties nor witnesses may request auxiliary aids and services, such as qualified interpreter services, from a court.
Under the ADA and its regulations, local and state courts are required to provide auxiliary aids and services to ensure effective communication with deaf and hard of hearing individuals in civil, as well as criminal, proceedings:
(a) A public entity shall take appropriate steps to ensure that communications with applicants, participants, and members of the public with disabilities are as effective as communications with others.
(b)(1) A public entity shall furnish appropriate auxiliary aids and services where necessary to afford an individual with a disability an equal opportunity to participate in, and enjoy the benefits of, a service, program, or activity conducted by a public entity.
(2) In determining what type of auxiliary aid and service is necessary, a public entity shall give primary consideration to the requests of the individual with disabilities.
28 C.F.R. § 35.160 (emphasis added).
The U.S. Department of Justice regulation defines the term “auxiliary aids and services” for deaf and hard of hearing individuals to include qualified interpreters, transcription services, captioning, videotext displays, written materials, assistive listening devices and systems, or other effective methods of making aurally delivered materials accessible. 28 C.F.R. § 35.104. For deaf or hard of hearing individuals who use sign language, the most effective auxiliary aid or service which a court can provide is usually the service of qualified sign language interpreters, trained in legal procedure and terminology. For deaf or hard of hearing individuals who do not use sign language and who have good levels of reading comprehension, the appropriate auxiliary aid or service is usually the use of a system that provides computer assisted real time transcription (also called real time captioning, communication access real time translation, or CART). Through this system, spoken words are converted into text using a stenotype machine, computer, and special software. The text appears on a computer monitor or other display, which can be read by the deaf or hard of hearing person. In its Analysis of the regulation, the Department of Justice uses “computer-assisted transcripts” as an example of an auxiliary aid or service that might be effective in a courtroom for a person who is deaf or hard of hearing who uses speech to communicate. 56 Fed. Reg. 35712. For some deaf or hard of hearing individuals who do not use sign language, an oral interpreter may be needed to facilitate lipreading. For individuals who use hearing aids or who have cochlear implants, the appropriate auxiliary aid might be amplified or modified sound equipment, a courtroom with appropriate acoustic properties, and/or assistive listening systems. The appropriate auxiliary aid or service depends on many factors. Any time it becomes apparent that a person cannot hear effectively in a courtroom, court officers should confer with that individual to determine the appropriate auxiliary aids or services necessary to communicate effectively with that individual.
Some state courts still have laws that permit state judges to assess the cost of auxiliary aids or services, such as qualified interpreter services, as “court costs.” These state laws violate the ADA. The ADA regulation states that the individual with a disability cannot be charged for the auxiliary aid or service provided by a state or local court:
A public entity may not place a surcharge on a particular individual with a disability . . . to cover the costs of measures, such as the provision of auxiliary aids or program accessibility, that are required to provide that individual . . . with the nondiscriminatory treatment required by the Act or this part.
28 C.F.R. § 35.130(f). In its Analysis to the ADA regulations, the Department of Justice explicitly addressed the issue of court costs:
The Department [of Justice] has already recognized that imposition of the cost of courtroom interpreter services is impermissible under section 504 [of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.] . . . (45 Fed. Reg. 37630, June 3, 1980). Accordingly, recouping the costs of interpreter services by assessing them as part of court costs would also be prohibited.
56 Fed. Reg. 35705-06 (July 21, 1991). Therefore, states may not enforce laws which permit qualified sign language interpreter fees to be assessed as “costs.”
Courts are also required to make “reasonable modifications” in their policies, practices and procedures, when necessary to prevent discrimination on the basis of disability. For example, a court might be required to move a trial to a smaller courtroom with better acoustics to assist a participant who uses a hearing aid. A trial may need to be interrupted more frequently to permit a deaf criminal defendant to consult privately with his or her attorney, because the sign language communication will be visible to witnesses and opponents. Court personnel should develop a method of notifying a deaf or hard of hearing person that a case is being called, because that person may not hear a spoken announcement. Similarly, videos that introduce jurors or parties to court procedure should be captioned.
In conclusion, court systems are not accessible to deaf or hard of hearing individuals when they cannot understand or participate effectively in the proceedings. In recognition of this fact, the federal government has placed an obligation on state and local courts to modify their procedures and to provide auxiliary aids and services, such as qualified interpreter and computer assisted real time transcription services, at no cost to the deaf or hard of hearing individual.
When I reminded Rebecca's attorney that Rebecca is Deaf and will need an interpreter, I got the same reaction that I seem to get a lot : "Can't you interpret?" I HATE THAT QUESTION!! I feel like if I say no, then they think, "How do you communicate with her then?" and if I say yes, then they are missing the point. I stopped answering yes or now and just advise them of her rights. Some people are persistant, but you have to be persistant back. Her attorney told me that sometimes I will have to be both the parent and the interpreter - like I didn't know this. I find myself in the interpreter role all the time, but not for court! I will not interpret for court!!! This is our families day and we all have the right to enjoy it together!!! URG!! Anyway, jumping down from my soapbox...here is what I will be sending the attorney and the court in East Texas to help me travel down this road...God help us!
State and Local Courts
To refer others to this page, please use:http://www.nad.org/statelocalcourts
People who are deaf or hard of hearing have a right to communicate effectively and to participate in proceedings and activities conducted by all state and local courts. Specifically, they are entitled to have courts provide and pay for auxiliary aids and services to enable them to understand and be understood. This right is based on a federal law, Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). 42 U.S.C. §§ 12131-12134. The U.S. Department of Justice has issued regulations explaining the requirements of the ADA. 28 C.F.R. Part 35, 56 Fed. Reg. 35694 (July 26, 1991) (U.S. Department of Justice Final Rule: Nondiscrimination on the Basis of Disability in State and Local Government Services).
The ADA protects all persons participating in court activities, including litigants, witnesses, jurors, spectators, and attorneys. It applies to any type of court proceeding in any type of state or local court, including civil, criminal, traffic, small claims, domestic relations, juvenile, and other specialized courts. It also applies to other activities conducted by court systems, such as personnel, educational activities, marriage ceremonies performed by court personnel or magistrates, and communication with clerks and other court personnel. This law also protects deaf or hard of hearing parents of minor children who are involved in court proceedings. Parents of a minor who is the subject of a juvenile proceeding are clearly “participants” in the proceeding even though the parents are not parties or witnesses. They are entitled to auxiliary aids and services, such as qualified interpreter services, during the proceeding. Furthermore, the ADA applies to “members of the public.” Therefore, deaf or hard of hearing spectators who are neither parties nor witnesses may request auxiliary aids and services, such as qualified interpreter services, from a court.
Under the ADA and its regulations, local and state courts are required to provide auxiliary aids and services to ensure effective communication with deaf and hard of hearing individuals in civil, as well as criminal, proceedings:
(a) A public entity shall take appropriate steps to ensure that communications with applicants, participants, and members of the public with disabilities are as effective as communications with others.
(b)(1) A public entity shall furnish appropriate auxiliary aids and services where necessary to afford an individual with a disability an equal opportunity to participate in, and enjoy the benefits of, a service, program, or activity conducted by a public entity.
(2) In determining what type of auxiliary aid and service is necessary, a public entity shall give primary consideration to the requests of the individual with disabilities.
28 C.F.R. § 35.160 (emphasis added).
The U.S. Department of Justice regulation defines the term “auxiliary aids and services” for deaf and hard of hearing individuals to include qualified interpreters, transcription services, captioning, videotext displays, written materials, assistive listening devices and systems, or other effective methods of making aurally delivered materials accessible. 28 C.F.R. § 35.104. For deaf or hard of hearing individuals who use sign language, the most effective auxiliary aid or service which a court can provide is usually the service of qualified sign language interpreters, trained in legal procedure and terminology. For deaf or hard of hearing individuals who do not use sign language and who have good levels of reading comprehension, the appropriate auxiliary aid or service is usually the use of a system that provides computer assisted real time transcription (also called real time captioning, communication access real time translation, or CART). Through this system, spoken words are converted into text using a stenotype machine, computer, and special software. The text appears on a computer monitor or other display, which can be read by the deaf or hard of hearing person. In its Analysis of the regulation, the Department of Justice uses “computer-assisted transcripts” as an example of an auxiliary aid or service that might be effective in a courtroom for a person who is deaf or hard of hearing who uses speech to communicate. 56 Fed. Reg. 35712. For some deaf or hard of hearing individuals who do not use sign language, an oral interpreter may be needed to facilitate lipreading. For individuals who use hearing aids or who have cochlear implants, the appropriate auxiliary aid might be amplified or modified sound equipment, a courtroom with appropriate acoustic properties, and/or assistive listening systems. The appropriate auxiliary aid or service depends on many factors. Any time it becomes apparent that a person cannot hear effectively in a courtroom, court officers should confer with that individual to determine the appropriate auxiliary aids or services necessary to communicate effectively with that individual.
Some state courts still have laws that permit state judges to assess the cost of auxiliary aids or services, such as qualified interpreter services, as “court costs.” These state laws violate the ADA. The ADA regulation states that the individual with a disability cannot be charged for the auxiliary aid or service provided by a state or local court:
A public entity may not place a surcharge on a particular individual with a disability . . . to cover the costs of measures, such as the provision of auxiliary aids or program accessibility, that are required to provide that individual . . . with the nondiscriminatory treatment required by the Act or this part.
28 C.F.R. § 35.130(f). In its Analysis to the ADA regulations, the Department of Justice explicitly addressed the issue of court costs:
The Department [of Justice] has already recognized that imposition of the cost of courtroom interpreter services is impermissible under section 504 [of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.] . . . (45 Fed. Reg. 37630, June 3, 1980). Accordingly, recouping the costs of interpreter services by assessing them as part of court costs would also be prohibited.
56 Fed. Reg. 35705-06 (July 21, 1991). Therefore, states may not enforce laws which permit qualified sign language interpreter fees to be assessed as “costs.”
Courts are also required to make “reasonable modifications” in their policies, practices and procedures, when necessary to prevent discrimination on the basis of disability. For example, a court might be required to move a trial to a smaller courtroom with better acoustics to assist a participant who uses a hearing aid. A trial may need to be interrupted more frequently to permit a deaf criminal defendant to consult privately with his or her attorney, because the sign language communication will be visible to witnesses and opponents. Court personnel should develop a method of notifying a deaf or hard of hearing person that a case is being called, because that person may not hear a spoken announcement. Similarly, videos that introduce jurors or parties to court procedure should be captioned.
In conclusion, court systems are not accessible to deaf or hard of hearing individuals when they cannot understand or participate effectively in the proceedings. In recognition of this fact, the federal government has placed an obligation on state and local courts to modify their procedures and to provide auxiliary aids and services, such as qualified interpreter and computer assisted real time transcription services, at no cost to the deaf or hard of hearing individual.
Thursday, July 31
We Just Signed Adoption Papers!
Rebecca is now adoptively placed in our home and now we wait on our court date. I have requested an interpreter for court, we will see if I have to play the same song and dance again. It has been a long road for our little girl (who's not so little) and I'm so excited she's about to embark on a new journey and start her life!
Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers and great advise. I now have to decide what I want to do with this blog, do I continue with ushersmom and just change the title or am I finished? I think there are so many decisions that I have loved discussing with you guys, it would be hard for me to give it up. I never would have thought that over 5,000 people would be interested in our little story. It has allowed me to meet incredible people and not just live in our community by our communities advise.
Thank you again! The court date could be in as little as 2 weeks. If anyone knows an interpreter in East Texas, I would love to get their information.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers and great advise. I now have to decide what I want to do with this blog, do I continue with ushersmom and just change the title or am I finished? I think there are so many decisions that I have loved discussing with you guys, it would be hard for me to give it up. I never would have thought that over 5,000 people would be interested in our little story. It has allowed me to meet incredible people and not just live in our community by our communities advise.
Thank you again! The court date could be in as little as 2 weeks. If anyone knows an interpreter in East Texas, I would love to get their information.
Tuesday, July 29
Mainstream or Deaf Ed
Why is it such an accomplishment for children to be mainstreamed, but when you tell someone that your child is in Deaf Ed is it looked at with pity? Why is there this push to mainstream?
Thursday, July 24
Medicaid Pays For Interpreters
That's what happened in our case. Since the state is legally the parent of Rebecca right now, I fought Medicaid and won! They are paying for an interpreter for her psych evaluation on Monday. I never thought about Medicaid providing the interpreter, so thank you Joyce for putting that bug in my ear. Now, we are one step closer to finishing up this adoption.
Sunday, July 20
The funny thing about blogging is...
One of the coolest things to me about blogging is all the cool people that you get to meet. We are all attached in a very unique way. I love reading other blogs and really feel connected to some of the people that I have met along the way. October will be one year since I started this blog and I only started reading blogs a little before that. On blog that really inspired me was Ashley's Mom and now it looks like I have inspired her (what a wierd twist).
She interviewed me for this really cool website called 5 minutes for special needs . It's a great website to link up with other parents who are going to some of the same things that we parents can only relate to.
My interview was posted today at http://www.5minutesforspecialneeds.com/91/91/ if you would like to take a moment to learn more about how we got in this mess :)
She interviewed me for this really cool website called 5 minutes for special needs . It's a great website to link up with other parents who are going to some of the same things that we parents can only relate to.
My interview was posted today at http://www.5minutesforspecialneeds.com/91/91/ if you would like to take a moment to learn more about how we got in this mess :)
Tuesday, July 15
Who's To Advocate??
Yesterday I just kept hitting walls. Do you ever have days like that? I called Rebecca's CPS caseworker back to set up the date for us to finalize the papers at the end of the month. She informed me that we need to get a psychiatric evaluation done on Rebecca before we can sign papers. We are only 2 weeks away from signing papers!! Okay, so I called the doctor who did my other daughters evaluation and has seen all the kids in our agency, so I know that he has seen Rebecca at some point and left a message for him to call me back. In the message I reminded him that Rebecca is Deaf and we will need an interpreter for her. I tell him that if he needs help finding an interpreter I have no problem helping with that, I do realize it is short notice but CPS is requiring this prior to the adoption at the end of the month.
I get a call back from our agency's caseworker asking why do we need an interpreter if she has a cochlear implant?
After I calmed myself down, I talked to CPS directly and our caseworker about this. Why wouldn't you give her everything that she needs so that she can understand as much as she can? I compared it for them to a child in a wheelchair that you are asking to go across the room. Sure, that child will eventually get across the room without her wheelchair, but whey wouldn't you give give the child the wheelchair in the 1st place??
The agency told me that they were going to try to get the psych deferred. My question back to them was, "Are you getting it deferred because you don't want to deal with my Deaf child and the interpreter or are you wanting it deferred because she is doing well in our home and there is no reason for an evaluation?" She didn't answer me.
What I guess frustrates me the most about this is that our agency is supposed to be advocating for Rebecca - how were they doing that??? Is throwing her in a room without an interpreter and thinking that is okay when the outcome of that evaluation depends on if she gets adopted advocating for your children???
Let me say this as plain as I can - MY CHILD WITH A COCHEAR IMPLANT IS NOT A HEARING CHILD!!!
I get a call back from our agency's caseworker asking why do we need an interpreter if she has a cochlear implant?
After I calmed myself down, I talked to CPS directly and our caseworker about this. Why wouldn't you give her everything that she needs so that she can understand as much as she can? I compared it for them to a child in a wheelchair that you are asking to go across the room. Sure, that child will eventually get across the room without her wheelchair, but whey wouldn't you give give the child the wheelchair in the 1st place??
The agency told me that they were going to try to get the psych deferred. My question back to them was, "Are you getting it deferred because you don't want to deal with my Deaf child and the interpreter or are you wanting it deferred because she is doing well in our home and there is no reason for an evaluation?" She didn't answer me.
What I guess frustrates me the most about this is that our agency is supposed to be advocating for Rebecca - how were they doing that??? Is throwing her in a room without an interpreter and thinking that is okay when the outcome of that evaluation depends on if she gets adopted advocating for your children???
Let me say this as plain as I can - MY CHILD WITH A COCHEAR IMPLANT IS NOT A HEARING CHILD!!!
Saturday, July 12
6th & Final Day At SEE Conference
Yesterday was a sad day. The conference has ended and now I am out on my own again. On our breaks and at lunch I had lunch with 2 ladies who will/and will be interpreting for my daughter at her school. They are both ASL interpreters and I learned so much from them. There are things with SEE that drive me batty and do no make sense to me. That's why in our house we are not pure SEE, we mix things up a bit. Compound words in SEE make me insane. Some of the compound words like SomeTimes are just one sign even though in SEE you would pointless as 2 signs : point and then less. Seems to me that sometimes should be the same : some and then times, but it's not sometimes has the same ASL sign as sometimes and is not broken down. There are many examples of this and it makes it really confusing to me to know which one is correct. When in doubt if I know the ASL sign I use the ASL sign in our house. The next time I get a chance I look it up and sometimes :) it is the ASL sign, but others it follows the compound word rule. I then tell my daughter the next time I use that word that she may also see "word + word" for that. I hope that made sense. It's really difficult to describe a language in type.
We did great on our Footloose song. I survived!! It is a really fast song when you are signing every word and every suffix. Get me off of my knees. For example : Get is got with a past tense marker and knees has an s at the end. C'mon C'mon let's go...let's is with an apostrophe s so it is an "s" that is turned in and then go. My hands and wrists got a good workout.
I'm sad that the convention is over. I learned about 200 new signs in a week. Where else can I do that? If you would liek to know if there is a SEE convention in your neighborhood visit http://www.seecenter.org/skil_shp.htm
As a side note, I think that as a parent of a Deaf child you cannot just have 1 language that you are teaching your children. There are many signing systems and I want to expose myself and my child to as much as I can. SEE and ASL are the two prominate signing methods in our area. We also see signed engish, CASE and occasionally Rochester method. I would like to be profecient and learn as much as I can about sign language, NOT just SEE, NOT just ASL - but any and all sign language.
The reason I took the week off of work and went to the SEE conference is because it is what is being taught at my daughters school. If ASL were being taught I would have attended an ASL conference. Please do not bash me for wanting to better my skills in any language. We need to be flexible and understand that in this world my daughter is not just going to encounter ASL or just SEE - I do not want her to be ignorant or think that only 1 way is the right way! My goal is for us to be able to communicate with each other and with others. If that means that I need to learn 4 or 5 methods - I'm willing to do that. Right now, I feel like it is most important to give her language so that she can be caught up with her classmates. How can we do that quickly???? I think the answer is by signing what they are signing to her at school and that means that I learn SEE and sign as much SEE at home as I can so that she understands what is being signed to her at school.
Do not judge me because I sign SEE. I also know some ASL and will learn more and more as time goes on, but for now SEE is what we are using with some ASL flavors thrown in. SEE is not always conceptual and ASL sometimes clarifies what I mean. ASL is a beautiful language and I know that one day I will also sign ASL. I will not keep Rebecca from ASL, it is definately something that she needs, but SEE serves a great purpose as well.
We did great on our Footloose song. I survived!! It is a really fast song when you are signing every word and every suffix. Get me off of my knees. For example : Get is got with a past tense marker and knees has an s at the end. C'mon C'mon let's go...let's is with an apostrophe s so it is an "s" that is turned in and then go. My hands and wrists got a good workout.
I'm sad that the convention is over. I learned about 200 new signs in a week. Where else can I do that? If you would liek to know if there is a SEE convention in your neighborhood visit http://www.seecenter.org/skil_shp.htm
As a side note, I think that as a parent of a Deaf child you cannot just have 1 language that you are teaching your children. There are many signing systems and I want to expose myself and my child to as much as I can. SEE and ASL are the two prominate signing methods in our area. We also see signed engish, CASE and occasionally Rochester method. I would like to be profecient and learn as much as I can about sign language, NOT just SEE, NOT just ASL - but any and all sign language.
The reason I took the week off of work and went to the SEE conference is because it is what is being taught at my daughters school. If ASL were being taught I would have attended an ASL conference. Please do not bash me for wanting to better my skills in any language. We need to be flexible and understand that in this world my daughter is not just going to encounter ASL or just SEE - I do not want her to be ignorant or think that only 1 way is the right way! My goal is for us to be able to communicate with each other and with others. If that means that I need to learn 4 or 5 methods - I'm willing to do that. Right now, I feel like it is most important to give her language so that she can be caught up with her classmates. How can we do that quickly???? I think the answer is by signing what they are signing to her at school and that means that I learn SEE and sign as much SEE at home as I can so that she understands what is being signed to her at school.
Do not judge me because I sign SEE. I also know some ASL and will learn more and more as time goes on, but for now SEE is what we are using with some ASL flavors thrown in. SEE is not always conceptual and ASL sometimes clarifies what I mean. ASL is a beautiful language and I know that one day I will also sign ASL. I will not keep Rebecca from ASL, it is definately something that she needs, but SEE serves a great purpose as well.
Thursday, July 10
5th Day At SEE Conference
Today we spent over 1/2 the day (until around 2:00) without any voices. We had to order lunch and everything without voices. I went with 2 interpreters and they choose a place that did not have combo numbers. We went to Taco Cabana. We found a catering menu and they used that to help them order, but for some reason quesadillas (Rebecca calls them chees triangles) was not on that menu. I had to say 4th picture on the top and the guy was not getting it. It was difficult. I finally got what I wanted and we sat down to lunch. Both of the interpreters are originally ASL interpreters so this was a great opportunity for me to learn some ASL differences. It was fabulous! I'm still not going to switch to ASL right now, but it was great to see it more. I had them tell me a story in ASL and then in SEE so that I could visually see the difference.
Tonight was the banquet and that was fabulous! Rebecca's batteries died when she got to the hotel and I normally have extra batteries in my purse, but I have not been carrying my purse to the conference so I had no batteries. It was absolutely fine and as I have said before I think that she pays more attention without her implant. Everyone was signing there so it was easy for her to communicate and I really appreciated not having to interpret for everyone because everyone there could sign at some level.
We won a poster that has the pledge of allegiance on it which is great because that is something that Rebecca needs to improve on. I also got another suffix/affix book. I gave this one to Rebecca because she absolutely loves mine. She likes looking through it to see human turn into humans, humane, inhumane, superhuman, etc.
Tomorrow is the last day :(
Tonight was the banquet and that was fabulous! Rebecca's batteries died when she got to the hotel and I normally have extra batteries in my purse, but I have not been carrying my purse to the conference so I had no batteries. It was absolutely fine and as I have said before I think that she pays more attention without her implant. Everyone was signing there so it was easy for her to communicate and I really appreciated not having to interpret for everyone because everyone there could sign at some level.
We won a poster that has the pledge of allegiance on it which is great because that is something that Rebecca needs to improve on. I also got another suffix/affix book. I gave this one to Rebecca because she absolutely loves mine. She likes looking through it to see human turn into humans, humane, inhumane, superhuman, etc.
Tomorrow is the last day :(
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